Gained a baby lost my sex life.

I’d be lying if I said becoming a mother hasn’t taken over in all areas of my life. —at work if something comes up, my response, “well y’all just gotta figure it out”  because guess what— I’m a mom first. It’s girls night and something comes up, “Sorry ladies I know we’ve been planning this forever, but I gotta cancel”—- I’m a mom first. I find myself reiterating the fact being a mom is number one when it comes to many areas of my life, and in most areas I’m finding that people won’t always be happy with you prioritizing being a mother first. *kanye shrug*

Not my problem.

Becoming a mom has simultaneously thrown me into like bionic woman mode, which I’m finding works with everyone but your partner. I wake up with a to-do list, I gotta do this and this and this and this today, I go to bed with a list reminding myself I gotta do this and this and this tomorrow and guess who usually doesn’t make the cut, one of the most important people… my man. It’s no secret that relationships change after having a baby , most times you hear about them changing for the worst.

My mom has warned me far before I even thought about having children that men show their true colors after having a baby— a warning I am now convinced is some bitter black women’s old wives tale. (For the record I’m not calling my mom a bitter black woman)

Do men get the same warning about women changing ? —- because maybe they should.

I am not the same woman I was before becoming a mother. My partner fell in love with the carefree, whimsical, happy, adventurous, sex in random places down for anything Ashley. Since becoming a mother I am 1/6, no doubt I have changed hell, I realized I have changed so I can only imagine what it’s like for him.

Babies can strengthen the connection or they can make you lose it, suddenly it’s all about the baby and we sometimes forget about the life we had with our partners before. Writing this for me is therapeutic because I have forgot about what life was like before Carter, I forgot about how important making his dad happy was for me and I’m now seeing the toll it’s taken on us.

TMI coming right up but, there was a time I’d go home on my lunch break just to squeeze in a quickie. It was important to keep it fun, and fresh… now I get home and sometimes I’d rather choose sleep over intimacy.—- shame on me. Shame on me for making it seem like being a mom gives me an excuse when it comes to nourishing my relationship and making sure I’m listening to my man and his needs. (Now don’t go reading this honey and think you can tie me up tonight cuz it’s not happening, I have a bad back now).

After many nights of him chastising me for what I have not been doing we finally began to communicate! He began to ask what could he do to help ease the burden, what could he do to help me after my long day so I could relax. The importance of communication amongst partners cannot be stressed enough, it’s so easy for us as mothers to come home after a long day get into our evening routine, all the while we are burnt the hell out and not once will we ask for help. It’s not uncommon for men as partners to see their spouse in their routine , and not speak up out of fear they may be imposing ( if y’all didn’t know women run the show, happy wife happy life) most men stay quiet when it comes to running the house.

And night after night you and your partner go to bed with so many underlying feelings that could be fixed with a conversation and a little compassion. —- it’s hard, tell me about it.

I read, Understanding your partner’s love language 

a “guide” more people should read, and I realized I’m not a mind reader and neither is he… I may not be affectionate but I know he is. There is so much give and take that’s goes into relationships, and they fail when people don’t understand that. My give, is bouncing on more D when Carter goes to bed (might have to visit a sex shop or two to brush up on the old skills), and vocalizing just how appreciated my spouse is and how I recognize all that he does although I don’t always say it. My take is being more open to help, and suggestions…understanding there is no such thing as a bionic woman and if there is I can imagine she is probably single.

Without question I am still a work in progress, a mom just trying to figure it out, but one thing is for certain my goal is to build with my partner and not break in the process … we have broken MANY times before and *whew chilay*

I hope this helps any other moms struggling to find a balance after such a huge adjustment, as for those who have been blessed enough to have it figured out  what are some things that have helped keep your relationship strong even after becoming parents?


“Open Letter” to dad that most moms can relate to.

Dear Da-Da,

On a scale from 1-10 how relaxed are you? Because me, I’m like a -7.

Since we’ve had our baby, I have been in overdrive! I have watched you day in and day out work just like me, interact with our child/children just like me and it still doesn’t feel like enough at times.

Truth be told, I am envious of you. Sometimes my envy actually translates to dislike… I honestly dislike you at times.— damn it felt good saying that.

I wake up in the morning after more often than not a late night with the kids and trying to squeeze a little “mommy time” in to do it all over, the next day and the day after that.


You wake up each morning looking quite refreshed, after I’ve went to bed with one eye open listening for a cry and thinking about all the shit I have to do tomorrow … can you relate? I have work brain and mommy brain on damn near everyday, planning and prioritizing for us… yes you read it right us. Hell, “Head of household” should honestly come with an extra bonus just for us working moms.

Meanwhile you go to work, and I’m almost sure daddy mode goes right out the damn window… are you thinking about what you’re going to cook for dinner when you get home ? Or how much of a fight bedtime is going to be… or better yet did you have your alarm going off at work today reminding you it’s time to pump? Better yet.. when’s the last time you did laundry for the house? Because believe me there’s a lot of it!

For goodness sakes, I’ve turned into a mommy for everyone. I cook, clean and still bend over when you want me to (most times let me tell you I’d prefer to sleep). And what am I getting in return?

Ahhh the joys of being a mom!

The time you spend with the kids isn’t like the time I spend… my time is draining and when I signed up for this partnership I thought it would be just that 50/50. You pick up when I fall short, and it just seems like as soon as I became momma, I simultaneously turned into Superwoman too.

I’m convinced woman take so long to get ready because it’s the only time we get to ourselves, sitting on the toilet long after I’ve already finished has turned into a little peace of heaven for me.—- sad

Once in a while I’d love to hear honey, take a day off … like literally a full day! No you, no kids… just me ! I probably wouldn’t know what to do but just hearing you say go take some you time would mean THE WORLD.

I expected more, and saying this out loud may sound ungrateful. I’m appreciative of all that you do, I just wish I didn’t have to do so much at times… becoming resentful of you was never a part of the plan.

Loving my partner however was.


your burnt out superwoman.

Life has a way of leaving you wondering “Is This It?

In the midst of one of my usual 7-14 day breakdowns, I was driving into work this morning wondering, “Is this really it”?  It sounds so depressing when I say it outloud but it’s the truth. “Is this really it”? Is this all I was put here to do?

I don’t know about y’all but the younger me pictured a fabulous- ass life , I did. I pictured being this ‘ghetto-socialite’ with a fine husband who worked a great job and over contributed at 11% to his 401k. I pictured being proposed to with a modest 2 -carat emerald cut halo diamond ring at the tender age of 25, with no rush on marriage. In my head, this almost- perfect man would go on to buy me the perfect house, in the best neighborhood… I’d give him 3 kids and we’d have a dog.

Unfortunately for me, I was running around the projects in my early 20’s chasing drop outs who couldn’t distinguish between they’re and their.

Looking back,  I constantly wonder “girl, where were you meeting this Mr. Wonderful”? … as the saying goes we attract what we exude.

Fast forward to present day, I am 27 just a few months shy of 28, I have a 19 month old and I am somebodies’… (dare I say it) ‘baby momma’. Luckily I didn’t attract what I exuded because my sons father is very smart, much smarter than me. Also, no shade to the baby mommas out there but I said that sarcastically, I just wanted to put emphasis on the fact I am not a married woman and yes I have a child. — I ain’t no damn baby momma tho.

Moving on.

I wake up everyday usually later than normal rushing to get out the house and make it work 5 minutes late… it’s like no matter how hard I try, how many pep talks I give myself; I just can’t seem to get out the damn house on time. Throw in a couple of  temper tantrums courtesy of Carter and by the time I get to work, it’s the famous “if anyone was looking for me, I was in the bathroom”. Pet peeve #71 why the f*** am I never on time? Why do I always feel so rushed to do the same bullshit I did yesterday?

Some days I feel like quitting my job, moving to Cost Rica and having Carter and his dad sell their handmade goods in the beaches. — I’m not even kidding anything’s gotta be better than this, at least we’d have good weather.

Here I am, rushing to work my semi-stressful ok paying job, to get off work and rush to pick up my son from daycare to get home and prepare for our nightly routine all to do it again the next day, and the day after that and the day after that… don’t get me wrong my nights are occasionally broken up by impromptu date nights or the regular “Netflix and Chill” with my ‘baby daddy’ (who I hope reads this and cringes and realizes that term should change).But the routine has me dare I say it… bored.

I don’t want my honesty to be mistaken for being ungrateful because I am grateful, not everyone has a job, not everyone has a car, not everyone has a home to go to after a long day, but since I’ve become a mother I’ve been bored.

Is that normal?

Some nights I wonder, “What the hell am I going to do with my life because there’s no way in hell I was put on this earth to work a 9-5 for the next 40 years”. I complain to my mom and she chalks it up to being a millennial. Since I’ve become a mom, it seems life choices have weighed on me heavy… I’ve learned that life comes at you FAST , and it’s too short to be spent unhappy. I feel so pressured to live up to these imaginary expectations. In my head my 19 month old wants this awesome mom who does it all, when reality he loves me no matter what. Hell, I want to be this awesome mom who does it all … is that asking for too much?

People always say, “You can’t have it all” and the older I get I just wonder if whoever came up with that saying just gave up trying. Who say’s you can’t have it all, and why?

Eventually I think the boredom almost always turns into resentment, we stop doing the things that once made us feel alive maybe because of the husband or the kids, or we just got older and realized there was some unwritten rule that we should stop doing the things we once loved when we were younger?

I don’t know about y’all but I’m not feeling that, a happy me is the best me and I got a lot of years left on this Earth (god willing)  to be wasting them being anything but happy. Call me passionate or call me crazy but the older we get shouldn’t mean losing our zest for life…. how many other people have felt bored and what have you guys done to curb it?

Because at this point I’m about to sign up for Zumba, I heard, “it’s the ‘exciting mom thing to do’

Fu**** real exciting huh?


Okay now can we get a more relatable version of “workin’ moms”?



Who else has watched WorkinMoms on Netflix?

Honestly, I loved it, well let me rephrase… I liked it a lot. Saying I loved it would mean I had nothing negative to say about it and I do.  For those who haven’t gotten a chance to see it, “Workinmoms” is about four very different thirty-something year old working mothers and friends who try to balance their jobs, family life and love life in Toronto, Canada. This concept for such a relatable show was actually created by husband and wife.

PR exec Kate and her longtime friend, no-nonsense psychiatrist Anne, attend a judgmental mom’s group, where they meet timid IT tech Jenny and struggling but optimistic real estate agent Frankie. The four form an unlikely friendship, sharing struggles of “urban” motherhood filled with the chaos of toddlers, careers, and identity crises, all while trying to achieve one goal, a sense of self. The ensemble comedy is largely drawn from the personal experiences of star/co-creator Catherine Reitman (“Blackish,” “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”).

The timid IT Tech Jenny, also happens to be almost completely uninterested in being a mother, let alone a wife and cheats on her husband. Her husband is a struggling screenwriter/ stay at home dad.

Outspoken psychiatrist Anne finds out she’s pregnant in the beginning of the season with her 3rd baby (who she refers to as a virus) after just having given birth months ago and she is less than thrilled. She already has a pretty hard time connecting with her 9 year old daughter  as both of their attitudes tend to clash so there’s no question as to why she probably doesn’t want to welcome anymore children. —- she’s my favorite.

Real estate agent Frankie is a lesbian who suffers from post partun depression mixed with a little bit of “who the hell knows” she’s probably the only character who isn’t in touch with reality and one might question why anyone, wife or not would have agreed to having a baby with her.

Lastly, there’s  PR Exec Kate while the most seemingly put together out the bunch she battles between choosing her family over her work, work wins every time which ultimately leads her to accept a 3 month position in Montreal (a city over 6 hours away) without consulting with her husband ahead of time leaving him to deal with the responsibilities of their 1 year old son.

Relatable to the average workin’ mom? Hell No.  Number one, most working moms don’t have the option of deciding whether or not to return to work. Most working moms aren’t afforded the luxury of hiring a nanny, BUT MORE IMPORATNTLY most working moms don’t drive AUDI’s and Range Rovers. This tv show to me just screamed “privilege” sure it featured many common struggles of motherhood, the feeling of “losing yourself”, breastfeeding struggles, not to mention the huge adjustment of being a mom in general but these women have a vast amount of help. Not many working moms can opt to stay late at work then get home well past dinner and bed time and apologize to their husband for getting caught up and go on about their evenings … if that’s not privileged then I don’t know what is. Forget having time to cheat, I barely have time to stop for a tea ( I’m not big on coffee) in the mornings. Most working moms if we are stuck at work the cause and effects that take place after can be dare I say it, detrimental. — hell, my sons day care charges $35 every 15 mins you’re late picking your kids up past closing. Let’s not forget the fact financially, most working moms face unspeakable struggles, literally unspeakable, because although struggling we don’t have a chance to speak about it because we are so busy assuming the responsibilities of being a mom … we just don’t have time. These four women are able to avoid interactions with their children most of the time with acception of making sure they are around to attend their “mommy group” these women aren’t workinmoms, these women are wealthy moms.

funny as shit, but still wealthy ass privileged moms nonetheless.

Sorry to say it, but Catherine Reitman and Phillip Sternberg y’all got it wrong with the title. 6 award nominations or not these broads are a group of semi- relatable moms … not actual “working Moms”.


A real.. tired ass, occasionally broke WORKING MOM.











It’s tax season… *looks up the cost of a tiger*

If I see one more “where are my taxes?” Post I am going to SCREAM!

What I’ve gathered so far is people seem to be pretty PRESSED for their taxes, and rightfully so, who doesn’t want extra money? I totally get it, I do.

What I don’t get is how the same people who have 2,3,4 even 5 dependents to claim are the most pressed, add in the fact a lot of people get assistance and it leaves me even more confused ? What the fuck are y’all doing with your money ?  I’m not directly asking that question, what you choose to do with your money is none of my business.

While we are speaking about money.

Over the past few months I’ve had conversations about generational poverty… we don’t usually hear about that topic because we always hear about generational wealth, or “old money.” Much like the rest of the world, I myself definitely don’t come from money but that doesn’t mean I want to be scraping until tax time either. You never hear about people with money talking about money, you just don’t. People without money on the other hand or the first ones to talk about it, the first ones to flash it, and the first ones to complain when the well runs dry.

In the midst of this damn government shut down everyone was so worried about tax time. What I’ve also come to realize is most claiming the EIC tax credit are not only still waiting for their returns but have come into the most problems with actually getting their money back.

You ask What is the Earned Income Tax Credit?
The Earned Income Tax Credit, EITC or EIC, is a benefit for working people with low to moderate income. To qualify, you must meet certain requirements and file a tax return, even if you do not owe any tax or are not required to file. EITC reduces the amount of tax you owe and may give you a refund.
Qualifications for the Earned income tax credit:
  • Have earned income; and
  • Have been a U.S. citizen or resident alien for the entire tax year; and
  • Have a valid Social Security number (not an ITIN) for yourself, your spouse (if filing jointly), and any qualifying children on your return; and
  • Not have investment income exceeding $3,500; and
  • Not be filing a Form 2555 or 2555-EZ; and
  • File a return with the Single, Married Filing Jointly, Head of Household, or Qualifying Widower filing status, even if you’re not required to file a return.

In addition, both your earned income and Adjusted Gross Income (AGI) may not exceed:

  • $15,270 if you’re not claiming a qualifying child ($20,950 if filing jointly);
  • $40,320 if you’re claiming 1 qualifying child ($46,010 if filing jointly);
  • $45,802 if you’re claiming 2 qualifying children ($51,492 if filing jointly);
  • $49,194 if you’re claiming 3+ qualifying children ($54,884 if filing jointly).
With just a little research everyone knows your business because “Shantal” has 2 kids, and everyday since January 28th she’s been online talking about how long her taxes have been taking and how much she needs her money.
Assumptions from the asses, including myself —- damn Shantal doesn’t make more than $45,802, she’s not even making any money .
As the saying goes, “the flashiest one in the room is usually the most broke”
I have had friends with 4 kids get $16,000 back during tax time and by the middle of the year be complaining about how broke they are, meanwhile everyone has a new wardrobe, an expensive one at that and mom even collected a few more MCM bags, and for what ?
—-so the cycle continues.
Whats frustrating to me is the same dependents your claiming will grow up assuming tax time is the “big payout” when this thought process should be so far removed from all of our minds. Receiving taxes should be extra for everyone, it should never be what we depend on.
Seeing so so many people count their eggs before they hatched has taught me what I already knew, and that is to always make sure I’m  good no matter what .
We have to do better guys, because just as fast as the government takes it they will be slow to give it back. Dependency has kept a lot of people trapped and the smarter we are especially as it pertains to spending habits the better of we will be and the better off our children will be in the future.
A few years ago  I was happy to not owe taxes, my mindset has been different from a lot of people and add in the fact last year was my first year even claiming a dependent, I can absolutely see why people with kids are happy around tax time. I only had one child and still owed last year but I was happy to be getting a check regardless, so I can only imagine the mindset of those with a few kids to claim.
Remind yourself its a trap.

Here are some really smart things you can do with your tax refund that can really put that money to work in the long run.
  • 1) Get Out of Debt. …
  • 2) Replenish Your Emergency Fund. …
  • 3) Further Your Education. …
  • 4) Boost Your Retirement Savings. …
  • 5) Invest in Wonderful Companies. …
  • Invest In Yourself


Over the past 3 years I’ve committed myself to haveing something, I turned 25 and decided I don’t want to be fucking broke forever. Period
I am no where close to where I’d like to be financially but being conscious is the first step.
Most of us claim to be so “ woke” but walking around so damn broke—- such a shame.
so take this post with a grain of salt also take it as me celebrating National Wine drinking Day (also known as my birthday) and going on a mini tipsy rant.
either way Jesus still loves you all with or without your tax money so that’s all that matters.

Self Care > Being a mom.

It was around 6 weeks after I had my son when I felt depressed… like really overwhelmed with depression. It was so crazy because I was warned about postpartum depression by my doctor, by my mother &  I didn’t imagine it happening to me, but it did.

I’d say the first few weeks of being a new mom for me was the “honeymoon stage” I had dad still home with me on paternity leave, my mom took a good amount of days off with me especially since I had a c-section and couldn’t do much and we had a bunch of visitors. The first few weeks you get food, you get the random checks -ins that allow you to get the “mommy break” you desperately need whether it’s to shower, sit down and actually eat, or just to take a shit in peace without having to worry about taking too long.

I’m being real here.

After those three weeks it’s good luck sista. I was out of work for a little over 12 weeks on maternity leave and when I say I couldn’t wait to get back to the office—- whew chilay. Finding a balance between me and having a new baby was very difficult for me. I tried to play it off so bad too as if this new motherly shit came with such ease but the truth was it didn’t. At least twice a day I felt like I was drowning inside, I’d literally cry in the shower for all of 10 minutes because that’s all the time I got and get out and attempt to take on what felt like the weight of the world. I was expected to breastfeed every 3 hours, keep a somewhat clean home, do laundry, change diapers—basically make sure Carter stayed alive and all the while I was forgetting about myself.

Its funny because everyone complimented me on how much weight I lost so quickly — well duh that’s what happens when you don’t eat. I would be running on no sleep and not even eat sometimes for 12+ hours. I felt crazy, I felt overwhelmed, I felt like, “how am I going to be able to do this”? —- maybe having Carter was a mistake.

“Why didn’t you ask for help”?

I’ll  never forget I was at my moms house with Carter’s dad and we were sitting on the couch and I started crying to him, he looked at my like I was crazy. I told him, “I’m not getting what I need from you” at that point he really looked at me like I was crazy because for the past 6+ weeks he’s been staying up with me, changing diapers, basically doing everything but breastfeeding and I still felt like he just wasn’t doing enough. It frustrated me that I couldn’t articulate what I needed but I knew I needed more than what I was getting… at that point I realized I was depressed.


I had a doctors appointment a few days after, it was my first one taking Carter alone, still healing from my c-section I painfully packed Carter up and took the trip from Canton to Boston (not a short drive by any means) part of me was so happy to have made it but still the other part of me felt fucking helpless, struggling to get packed up, wash my ass and Carter’s and manage to leave the house on time after not sleeping for weeks and barely eating to get to the appointment and hear “how have you been feeling” if ever there would have been a more appropriate time to respond, “how do you think bitch?”…

I think that would have been it.


I finally opened up to my doctor about how I was starting to feel sad, I knew I didn’t want to be put on medicine it’s not like I was cooped up with Carter in the house …it was the late Summer so by then we had been everywhere, the beach for walks, the park  I’d always take him out to keep busy but for some reason I just couldn’t shake this feeling of “I have  such a big responsibility literally FOREVER and I don’t feel like I can do it”.

I left that appointment with a prescription for my high ass blood pressure and the realization I needed to pull it together, I didn’t know how but I needed to.

I started forcing myself to eat, even when I didn’t feel hungry. I started waking up on Saturday and bringing Carter to the hair salon with me, I started getting back into the swing of things —- getting back to the old Ashley.


Funny story, I’ll never fucking forget, I brought Carter to the hair salon with me for the first time. I was determined as hell to get my $12 roller set from the Dominicans so I set out to make it there for 9 am, when they first opened in hopes of “getting in and getting out” —- then I woke up . Clearly I forgot I was on baby time because we got there around noon, disheveled as shit but we made it. I was happy, I felt accomplished. It was packed but luckily I found a seat and nestled Carter next to me in his stroller and we waited… I was 1/2 through my 3 hour salon visit when Carter to the shit of the century, there was no changing table in the only small ass bathroom they had but I made it work. I changed my then newborn’s explosive poop diaper on my lap, give him a damn bird bath because he pooped up his back, changed his clothes and got back under the dryer.

The devil was a liar that day.

3 hours, $12 dollars and a poppin’ ass roller set later I realized 2 things. 1) I needed to stop being a cheap ass bitch and find a better salon with more seats and a better bathroom and 2) I DID IT. I had one of my first stressful ass “I’m on my own” mom moments and I figured it out. It was the first time I really felt like a good mom, —-a mom that handles shit.

After that, you couldn’t tell me nothing, the old ashley was back and she had a new partner in crime.

I tell that story because when women become moms we tend  forget about ourselves. Sure I would have gotten my hair done I probably would have went a few more weeks without going until Carter’s dad didn’t work one morning or my mom was free but instead I made it a point to do what I needed to do for myself… on my own time!

I don’t know about you but the importance of self care as a new mom was never stressed to me, instead all I heard was, “it’s no longer about you, your life’s going to change so much… you just wait” — such daunting comments. I wasn’t empowered and perhaps if I had been things may have been different for me in the beginning. What good of a mom and I when I’m not being good to myself? Self care for me comes in many forms, it wasn’t only about the hair salon, or the nail salon, self care turned into strolls by the beach at sunset and going to my complex gym, and to this day self care for me means therapy appointments that Carter frequents as well.

Being a mom to me has become it, like the pinnacle of everything it’s my focus and will be my focus forever and anytime I feel myself drifting, I realize I gotta stay good for Carter.

You can ask me, is it selfish to put you before your kids”? And I’ll answer yes and no. Carter’s needs will ALWAYS come before anything, PERIODT, but in the past 16 almost 17 months I’ve learned how much maintaining a healthy mom for Carter means and that’s pretty important too.

Stay well,

Love and Light ❤

Read below, some important facts about postpartum depression


8 Things to Watch For post baby.

  1. Your “baby blues” don’t get better. It’s common to have a dip in mood during your baby’s first 2 weeks. After that, you should feel better. But if you’re still sad or even hopeless weeks later, and the feelings are growing intense, that’s more than the blues.
  1. Sadness or guilt consume your thoughts.Feeling upset once in a while is normal. But if you have crying spells, or you often feel unhappy about being a parent, or you’re often “down on yourself” as a mom, these may be among the first signs of postpartum depression.
  1. You lose interest in things you enjoy. Are you laughing at your favorite romantic comedy? Are you interested in being affectionate with your partner? What about your favorite foods? Are you enjoying them? Are you eating at all? If you said no, talk to your doctor about these changes in mood and habits.
  1. You have trouble making decisions. Maybe you’re too tired to think straight. Maybe you just don’t care. If you can’t decide whether or not to get out of bed, take a shower, change your baby’s diaper, or take her for a walk, these may be early signs of postpartum depression.
  1. You worry you won’t be a good mom. Who hasn’t worried about this? It’s common among moms whose babies are sick or premature, or were born with special needs. But if this is not your situation, then having constant doubts about yourself as a mother could mean something else.
  1. Your sleep patterns have changed. Of course they have. You have a baby! But if you can’t even rest when your child is napping, or you’re sleeping all the time, that’s likely something other than a new sleep pattern.
  1. You’ve had big, stressful changes in your life. Maybe you’ve been fighting with your partner, or your family isn’t helping you care for your baby. Perhaps someone you loved died a short time ago. Stressful events like these can worsen your sadness and trigger postpartum depression.
  1. You think about harming yourself. Thoughts of suicide, or hurting yourself or your baby, are advanced signs of postpartum depression and even postpartum psychosis, a rare and serious mental illness that happens with postpartum depression. If you’re having any kind of suicidal thoughts, you’re in crisis and need to call your doctor or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255immediately to get help.