Aspirations of Being a Stay at Home Mom

With the weather finally breaking, I’m starting to feel flooded with working mom guilt all over. Working 2 jobs has always made me feel like I just don’t spend enough time with my son. Unfortunately God didn’t feel it was necessary to bless me with a rich husband, he probably figured, ‘no way… she would be out here wildin’ And rightfully so Lord…

-because I would.

Last weekend I packed my mom and Carter up and headed to the zoo and I can’t help but think about all the fun things I want to do with him this Spring/Summer, when I’m not working.

part of me constantly feels the need to push myself into entrepreneurship, so I can have more time with my almost 2 year old and future babies, but then I think about the trials and tribulations that could come with that and feel maybe it’s a risk I’m not willing to take.

Moms? Have you guys experienced working mom guilt, and how have you been able to cope?

For any stay at home moms on the other side of the things I’m anxious to hear how that’s been for you as well!

Sincerely,

A busy mom ready for early retirement.

 

Life has a way of leaving you wondering “Is This It?

In the midst of one of my usual 7-14 day breakdowns, I was driving into work this morning wondering, “Is this really it”?  It sounds so depressing when I say it outloud but it’s the truth. “Is this really it”? Is this all I was put here to do?

I don’t know about y’all but the younger me pictured a fabulous- ass life , I did. I pictured being this ‘ghetto-socialite’ with a fine husband who worked a great job and over contributed at 11% to his 401k. I pictured being proposed to with a modest 2 -carat emerald cut halo diamond ring at the tender age of 25, with no rush on marriage. In my head, this almost- perfect man would go on to buy me the perfect house, in the best neighborhood… I’d give him 3 kids and we’d have a dog.

Unfortunately for me, I was running around the projects in my early 20’s chasing drop outs who couldn’t distinguish between they’re and their.

Looking back,  I constantly wonder “girl, where were you meeting this Mr. Wonderful”? … as the saying goes we attract what we exude.

Fast forward to present day, I am 27 just a few months shy of 28, I have a 19 month old and I am somebodies’… (dare I say it) ‘baby momma’. Luckily I didn’t attract what I exuded because my sons father is very smart, much smarter than me. Also, no shade to the baby mommas out there but I said that sarcastically, I just wanted to put emphasis on the fact I am not a married woman and yes I have a child. — I ain’t no damn baby momma tho.

Moving on.

I wake up everyday usually later than normal rushing to get out the house and make it work 5 minutes late… it’s like no matter how hard I try, how many pep talks I give myself; I just can’t seem to get out the damn house on time. Throw in a couple of  temper tantrums courtesy of Carter and by the time I get to work, it’s the famous “if anyone was looking for me, I was in the bathroom”. Pet peeve #71 why the f*** am I never on time? Why do I always feel so rushed to do the same bullshit I did yesterday?

Some days I feel like quitting my job, moving to Cost Rica and having Carter and his dad sell their handmade goods in the beaches. — I’m not even kidding anything’s gotta be better than this, at least we’d have good weather.

Here I am, rushing to work my semi-stressful ok paying job, to get off work and rush to pick up my son from daycare to get home and prepare for our nightly routine all to do it again the next day, and the day after that and the day after that… don’t get me wrong my nights are occasionally broken up by impromptu date nights or the regular “Netflix and Chill” with my ‘baby daddy’ (who I hope reads this and cringes and realizes that term should change).But the routine has me dare I say it… bored.

I don’t want my honesty to be mistaken for being ungrateful because I am grateful, not everyone has a job, not everyone has a car, not everyone has a home to go to after a long day, but since I’ve become a mother I’ve been bored.

Is that normal?

Some nights I wonder, “What the hell am I going to do with my life because there’s no way in hell I was put on this earth to work a 9-5 for the next 40 years”. I complain to my mom and she chalks it up to being a millennial. Since I’ve become a mom, it seems life choices have weighed on me heavy… I’ve learned that life comes at you FAST , and it’s too short to be spent unhappy. I feel so pressured to live up to these imaginary expectations. In my head my 19 month old wants this awesome mom who does it all, when reality he loves me no matter what. Hell, I want to be this awesome mom who does it all … is that asking for too much?

People always say, “You can’t have it all” and the older I get I just wonder if whoever came up with that saying just gave up trying. Who say’s you can’t have it all, and why?

Eventually I think the boredom almost always turns into resentment, we stop doing the things that once made us feel alive maybe because of the husband or the kids, or we just got older and realized there was some unwritten rule that we should stop doing the things we once loved when we were younger?

I don’t know about y’all but I’m not feeling that, a happy me is the best me and I got a lot of years left on this Earth (god willing)  to be wasting them being anything but happy. Call me passionate or call me crazy but the older we get shouldn’t mean losing our zest for life…. how many other people have felt bored and what have you guys done to curb it?

Because at this point I’m about to sign up for Zumba, I heard, “it’s the ‘exciting mom thing to do’

Fu**** real exciting huh?

 

Moms weekend out.

I try to remind myself nights out as a mom are necessary, even if I have to force myself to go.

I came across the MFA Boston  (Museum of fine arts) “Late nites” about a month or so ago and I told my boyfriend I wanted to go. Friday night rolled around I had to call out of work to go but as you can see I was dressed and ready, luckily he was willing to stand in line for an hour and forty five mins… yes that long for us to get in. *perks of having a man who’s trying to get back in your good graces*

we stepped inside, it was insane ! I felt like I died and went to drag queen heaven. The DJ (who ironically, I went to high school with) held a special place in my heart the majority of the night as she played my favorite genre “trap” and some old-Skool  reggae.

Momma got her work on!

We danced, we viewed exhibits, we drank, we socialized and we drank some more.

I got so drunk and paid for it the entire weekend in more ways than one, my back has been aching since Saturday morning, along with being so hung over I had trouble seeing but the point is… we had fun!!!

perfect example of how necessary it is to not only step out of your comfort zone but to push yourself to go out and enjoy life especially when you’re a mother!

Now back to the regular scheduled program, a bihh got work tomorrow.

For more information on the next MFA “late nite” visit https://www.mfa.org/programs/series/mfa-late-nites

F*** it I’ll keep my own last name.

77179679-AFB8-448C-8409-25D7B0A6B745.jpeg

 

I read this today, and I might receive a lot of backlash for it…

But i’m inclined to agree

Stating a black women choosing her independence over all else will continuously make her the enemy seems a bit harsh but I know where whoever wrote this was going with it.

In Essence, it gets deeper than this tho. To me what it boils down to is lack of communication and lack of leadership amongst men. I’m not sure who came up with this but I’m curious to know a little about them.

I’d love to ask this man (and I’m assuming it was a man who wrote it) What do you do for work? Would you consider yourself the breadwinner of your household? Are you married? Do you take initiative? Can your wife or girlfriend depend on you?

Those are some important questions

A man who is not a “leader” couldn’t possibly be convinced that a woman should choose “preserving a family unit” with lack of direction over her own independence when she isn’t being led correctly.

Hell no.

Funny thing is a lot of “men” nowadays want to lead and have the “let’s do it my way” attitude meanwhile they don’t even know their left from their right, and dare I say it, but a lot of men are stupid.

Actually no, that was offensive I’m going to rephrase a lot of men lack direction, so I’m most instances it’s pretty much impossible for them to expect a woman to abandon all that she KNOWS and risk it on a CHANCE , but in true men nature (meaning being foolish) a lot of times that makes sense.

Now on the flip side I’d like to play devils advocate, reading that statement I was inclined to agree prior to me really putting thought into it. One of the main reasons my child’s father and I disagreed pretty much for the past 5 years was because of my unwillingness to compromise, I was too headstrong… what I always said needed to go. The same independent quality I’ve praised myself over the years for I’ve began to hate at the same time. I’ve grown a thick skin, not by choice but because of what I’ve been through, what dating… what life has put me through and ironically enough I became chastised for it. “They harden you and then wonder why you’re not soft”.

A man wrote this statement assuming all women should make a choice because it seems like the right one to make but did the question arise  is it really the best choice?  Maybe if more black women went with the “I need to do what’s best for my family” rather than “I need to do what’s best for me” thought process … maybe just maybe we’d have more successful marriages and stronger black men who have been given the “provider” role and realized… now’s my chance.

“do or die”

such a sink or swim analogy… one that I’ve always asked myself is it worth the risk? And every time … the answer has been no. I can imagine for most women the answer is no and the saga continues . We are assumed to be so headstrong, so reluctant to give up this independence when really we are just scared.

Often Times failure becomes such a norm for us that we wonder why would this be any different … lack of communication, and to be frank total inconsideration.

Show me.

show me why I should abandon this “I gotta do what’s best for me and mine” attitude.

I feel as a whole black women have a lot of work to do, it was never embedded in us to be fragile, to be soft. You look at our mothers and their mothers and I bet you’ll hear a story about sacrifice and my favorite “doing what they had to do”.

Coming from that what makes you believe we’d ever see you as Prince Charming?

My daddy wasn’t and neither was my grandfather.

Nowadays we expect so much but work for so little, and it’s too bad.

So men, next time you wonder why she’s so reluctant to give up her “independence” realize she’s all she’s ever had.

 

Okay now can we get a more relatable version of “workin’ moms”?

D752BCA2-5693-45F0-9E33-69B6DF3CCA57

 

Who else has watched WorkinMoms on Netflix?

Honestly, I loved it, well let me rephrase… I liked it a lot. Saying I loved it would mean I had nothing negative to say about it and I do.  For those who haven’t gotten a chance to see it, “Workinmoms” is about four very different thirty-something year old working mothers and friends who try to balance their jobs, family life and love life in Toronto, Canada. This concept for such a relatable show was actually created by husband and wife.

PR exec Kate and her longtime friend, no-nonsense psychiatrist Anne, attend a judgmental mom’s group, where they meet timid IT tech Jenny and struggling but optimistic real estate agent Frankie. The four form an unlikely friendship, sharing struggles of “urban” motherhood filled with the chaos of toddlers, careers, and identity crises, all while trying to achieve one goal, a sense of self. The ensemble comedy is largely drawn from the personal experiences of star/co-creator Catherine Reitman (“Blackish,” “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”).

The timid IT Tech Jenny, also happens to be almost completely uninterested in being a mother, let alone a wife and cheats on her husband. Her husband is a struggling screenwriter/ stay at home dad.

Outspoken psychiatrist Anne finds out she’s pregnant in the beginning of the season with her 3rd baby (who she refers to as a virus) after just having given birth months ago and she is less than thrilled. She already has a pretty hard time connecting with her 9 year old daughter  as both of their attitudes tend to clash so there’s no question as to why she probably doesn’t want to welcome anymore children. —- she’s my favorite.

Real estate agent Frankie is a lesbian who suffers from post partun depression mixed with a little bit of “who the hell knows” she’s probably the only character who isn’t in touch with reality and one might question why anyone, wife or not would have agreed to having a baby with her.

Lastly, there’s  PR Exec Kate while the most seemingly put together out the bunch she battles between choosing her family over her work, work wins every time which ultimately leads her to accept a 3 month position in Montreal (a city over 6 hours away) without consulting with her husband ahead of time leaving him to deal with the responsibilities of their 1 year old son.

Relatable to the average workin’ mom? Hell No.  Number one, most working moms don’t have the option of deciding whether or not to return to work. Most working moms aren’t afforded the luxury of hiring a nanny, BUT MORE IMPORATNTLY most working moms don’t drive AUDI’s and Range Rovers. This tv show to me just screamed “privilege” sure it featured many common struggles of motherhood, the feeling of “losing yourself”, breastfeeding struggles, not to mention the huge adjustment of being a mom in general but these women have a vast amount of help. Not many working moms can opt to stay late at work then get home well past dinner and bed time and apologize to their husband for getting caught up and go on about their evenings … if that’s not privileged then I don’t know what is. Forget having time to cheat, I barely have time to stop for a tea ( I’m not big on coffee) in the mornings. Most working moms if we are stuck at work the cause and effects that take place after can be dare I say it, detrimental. — hell, my sons day care charges $35 every 15 mins you’re late picking your kids up past closing. Let’s not forget the fact financially, most working moms face unspeakable struggles, literally unspeakable, because although struggling we don’t have a chance to speak about it because we are so busy assuming the responsibilities of being a mom … we just don’t have time. These four women are able to avoid interactions with their children most of the time with acception of making sure they are around to attend their “mommy group” these women aren’t workinmoms, these women are wealthy moms.

funny as shit, but still wealthy ass privileged moms nonetheless.

Sorry to say it, but Catherine Reitman and Phillip Sternberg y’all got it wrong with the title. 6 award nominations or not these broads are a group of semi- relatable moms … not actual “working Moms”.

Signed,

A real.. tired ass, occasionally broke WORKING MOM.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Confessions of traveling with a toddler

5 days 4 nights on an island about 4 hrs away via plane ride, an island so secluded but yet busy enough to make it feel semi city like. The waters were as clear as can be, the sand just slipped through your toes as you walked through it to grab a beer from the bar at the beach. Turks and Caicos was in essence almost heaven like, I was in my own euphoria…. that is in between the moments when my 18 month old toddler was not driving me up the wall.

Day 1: we boarded our flight from Boston, Gigi (that’s what Carter calls my mom) made the trip too. Our flight was at about 8am, we made it through TSA with tons of bags in tow. We brought our car seat , 2 carry on items and a stroller. Traveling with someone who can’t hold their own things… —- whew chilay. Nonetheless it’s a well needed vacation for this busy momma so I was still excited to see how things will pan out. After a surprisingly calm flight we finally land, Carter was beyond wound up after being confined for about 4 hours so he was just as anxious to get off the plan and step into paradise.

 

We get off the plane to sweltering heat, got our rental car and we were off! We decided Air BnB would be best fitting for our little traveling family, only problem was we couldn’t find it and my sister who booked it was an route from Washington D.C so we killed time grocery shopping until she landed.

Repeat after me grocery prices in Turks and Caicos will have you stripping just to eat, I repeat grocery prices in Turks and Caicos will have you stripping just to eat. $300 and about 3 bags later we walked out the store feeling robbed.

CAB42C4D-AB30-4FC6-9EE4-4DCED5817FA6A6C3CD1A-6BAD-4571-A3F3-60E3DB90E329383A3F6B-7747-4B34-8C9D-5474E228EE839CFB1B7B-50BD-494B-9DD8-7D88026F78F2

 

Ridiculous —- I know. We finally make it to the Air BnB I was pretty sure was a scam at a point after having such a hard time finding it… THANK GOD because at that point Carter projectile vomited just a few minutes earlier and I honestly wasn’t sure if I was going to cry or laugh.

We were in paradise and it’s like everything that could start to go wrong was, talk about a rocky start.

We got settled in… my nanny (my mom) took over after cooking for us and my sister and I were ready to see what the TCI nightlife was all about.

47F4BE1D-AA30-4F30-AD61-79889C918366

It was lit, after 2 bars (one of which being referred to as the $5 bar infamous for their very strong $5 drinks) and  many drinks later we returned back to the Air BnB  with a drunk optimism about the rest of our vacation.

Day 2:   We are awoken to a screaming Carter at about 6am … I’m not sure why I thought mommy life on vacation would be any different from mommy life at home, Thank god for Tylenol. It was time to get up while in the process of recovering we planned for day 2 In TCI. It was time to see what the beach had to offer , but first we had to take some lit pictures for the gram of course.

 

Carter even accompanied us to the pool until nap time. Another mental note made, “he’s the same baby he was yesterday in Massachusetts”  we waited a few hours until carter was up we were all packed and off to the beach, the great thing about the island was everything was very close. The furthest it took to reach any destination was about 15 minutes which was a plus… the only negative was it took Carter about 10 minutes to get Car sick.

Damn it.

Yes … throw up again all over the car seat, the rental and the seat I just spent so much time scrubbing last night . Thank God we were at a beach we could just rinse everything in the water. The devil was trying to take me out. We get there, it’s beautiful… literally beautiful. We went to Sapodilla Beach which was a small beach frequented by locals but it was perfect enough for us.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

I almost forgot about having to go back to the smell of puke. Hours passed it was time to go so we packed in, just hoping to make the 15 minute drive home and not even a mile down the road I hit a pot hole and blew not one… but two tires.

I laughed writing that. But wasn’t shit funny at the time.  So here we are 3 Americans and a baby on the side of the road with flat tires calling the rental place for some help. —- haha.

After the many stares help finally arrived in the same baby sized car we rented so we had to move all our things out to get a ride to a new rental car and all I could do was pray they didn’t charge me any incidental fees for the tire or the second round of throw up I didn’t get a chance to clean yet.

Back on the road and ready we made it. My sister and I even went out that night with a lot less enthusiasm, I’m pretty sure she was mad at me a good portion of the night but hey shit happens. The only plus was it was ladies night at “5 dollar bar” so every slow song you’ve ever sang as if you wrote it was being played… add hookah and liquor to that I think it was the most fun I had the entire trip.

Day 3:  carter wakes up screaming.. it’s 6 am. At this point it seems the rest of the house if acknowledging him to be the alarm clock  that I’ve known him to be the past 18 months. —- welcome to my world. We decided it was yes another good day to explore a beach, definitely not Sapodilla Bay since clearly that beach brings bad luck.

Yes, I’m blaming the beach and not my driving.

We headed to Long Bay Beach, this beach was located in Grace Bay a very popular area especially amongst tourists. My nanny (my mother) decided to sit this adventure out. So it was just me, my sister and Carter. We made it to the beach Throw up free! Win #1. We were able to park and walk down to the beach. This beach was VERY DIFFERENT FROM THE LAST. The waves were strong the sand was heavier , just walking to the sitting area had us winded. My sister spilled my champagne along the way which left me very depressed but we had some “Bambarra” a well known Turks and Caicos Rum so all was well.

 

This beach got old quick, there was no bar , no water activities, no flood of people so we headed back to the house. It was our second to last night on the island so we planned a nice dinner. (Well I planned a nice dinner and prayed Carter cooperated) we got dressed and headed to Infinity Bar, located in Grace Bay, and Carter stayed sleep for the ride, the transport from the car to his stroller and all throughout dinner—- it was like God telling me I am here. — I even had a glass of champagne to celebrate such a joyous , peaceful occasion. It was great.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Surprisingly we stayed in that night.

 

Day 4: our last full day on the island. Our human alarm clock got us up and ready for the day, we spent a good portion by the pool which by the way was secluded the ENTIRE time we were there, we then got ready and headed to Grace Bay to do some shopping. All I could think was, “if the prices are anything like those grocery stores I won’t be getting a damn thing.” They weren’t bad tho.

In true mom fashion all I could think about was getting carter’s daycare teachers a souvenir—- who have I become?

Perfect way to wind down the chaos of Turks and Caicos

Day5: awaken by my alarm clock this time at 5 am, unlike the rest of the mornings I couldn’t get him to calm down, my baby was teething and yes I forgot the Orajel home so I had to take him for a walk. It just so happened the sun was rising and Carter thought it was play time so he ran down a parking lot having me chase him right up until a river opening. —- it was gorgeous. It was just what I needed after the past 4 days, it was peace, it was reassurance and it was with my favorite person in the world. It felt like such a sign, greater things are in store. We returned to begin packing. Finally, homeward bound and need I say it, I was full of mixed emotions . Sad to say goodbye but happy to be leaving, anxious about the stressful ass travel woes that lie ahead. We headed to the airport about 2 hours ahead of our flight just to be safe , attempting to work around carter’s nap schedule and doing so unsuccessfully, I lay packed up along with the many other travels I’m a foreign hot airport with a cranky baby. I was exhausted.

BD13FB01-3FC2-4893-A367-0FCB869B758FC7554A58-B5B7-4863-9948-9C6573C54D595F0062BB-EA62-491A-9813-51A51DC5F68219E05883-B732-43B9-B1BE-D6BA9BEAA2C3

 

After flying to New York and missing our connecting flight to land in Boston. I really laughed.

nothing ever goes as planned.

 

I went from 80 degree weather to return home to 32 degrees and I couldn’t have been happier.

 

This vacation has taught me many things, no matter the preparation, you are never prepared, you never know what’s in store and you can make whatever you want look good but that doesn’t mean it is.

I thought I was prepared , Speaking in the sense of materialistic things—- I was, mentally HELL NO. nothing could have prepared me for car sickness, or screaming on a 3 hour flight … the list goes on. I was so in a rush for months to get away , leave where I was at and go on vacation and look what I went to a new set of problems. On the plus side the problems were in paradise and not the snow so they didn’t seem as bad, but there were still problems. this trip to TCI has taught me to appreciate just where I was because you never know what lies ahead. If you look any of my social media’s I didn’t talk about any of this, all you see is “perfect pictures” and comments about how envious people were that I was away,   See how easily people can be fooled.

I needed Twerks and Caicos not only for the family time, but for the sun, the laughs, the realizations… hell the revelations.

I don’t know if we will be taking any family trips any time soon, but I can’t wait for the next.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Turks & Caicos — 3 ladies and a baby edition

In 2015 my mother, my sister and I established the tradition that we should take a “girls trip” every year, then I had Carter in 2017 and now we have a new tradition… A girls trip, with the boy.

A little later I plan to talk about my experiences traveling with my 18 month old, amongst many other things such as attempting to balance mom life, and a social life but for now enjoy some pictures of the beautiful Turks and Caicos, or as my sister and I have called it “Twerk & Caicos”.

BE6940FF-5AD6-4737-BA5A-FEC798BD57BD021757FC-3345-4BE7-862B-6D1232089DFFA789F995-F902-4507-B54A-532A44D813892B0FF1E2-3C18-4CE7-B1A8-88582D2905CBFEDCCD9D-C22C-48DE-BB67-EDEC13AB2E5C8102B155-68FD-4B30-8D1F-DC96206BDE5A01628801-F830-40E9-9F00-63E440D585222319600A-A31B-4857-BBB0-2BF05F71932DA3A040FA-B344-428D-98F7-E91536106E389F6645D2-7585-4A0E-A4EC-96C46B32812413DDF9AB-2FB0-4F0C-B192-770203A9E038F55511C3-7751-46CF-B53A-215C86B6C77C

 

“Never have I ever”— Valentines Day Edition

It’s “Wine Wednesday” and I’m semi tipsy. I was just looking at Valentine’s  Day cards on Etsy (yes, I’m that corny) and I was wondering why I’m so happy about Cheesy ass Valentine’s Day this year, I don’t  have plans and my Valentine doesn’t even know he’s my Valentine.— I digress.

1FA9D96B-04DE-4855-8EE4-EBF3B585B582.jpeg

 

I really like this Gallo Family Chardonnay, it’s a medium bodied wine but there is still hints of sweet and citrus and it’s alcohol content is 13% . Talk about Yesssssss.

Good matches: Chardonnay is perfect with light and delicate food such as raw and lightly cooked shellfish like crab and prawns, steamed or grilled fish, fish pâtés, fish, chicken or vegetable terrines and pasta or risotto with spring vegetables. They also go well with creamy vegetable soups.

It was a whopping $5 at my local grocery store. So, men I wouldn’t encourage you to bring this over to “Netflix and chill” because it’s cheap… buy a better brand.

—- my cheap ass likes it tho.

I had to actually look up Valentine’s Day tonight, I really thought to myself like I don’t even know the origin of this so-called “holiday”.

According to history.com, it was said that, at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred. One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret.

I was like shit, Talk about romantic right?

So in honor of my guy Valentine and the upcoming day I want to play a game tonight, “Never have I ever” —- Valentine’s Day edition. It’s pretty much everyday that the craziest things happen to me and I always wonder if not the same but similar crazy things happen to other people as often as they do me. I’m going to throw out some scenarios , 5 to be exact, 3 of them are true and 2 are false that may or may not have happened to me on past Valentine’s Days.

Here goes…

Never have I ever …

1. Went on 2 dates to the same restaurant with 2 different guys on Valentine’s Day and ended up with the same waiter

2. Never have I ever been “Came to as a woman” while I was pregnant on Valentine’s Day.

3. Never have I ever been stuck tied to a bed until the next morning February 15th.

4 . Never have I ever been stood up then texted the next day and to go to lunch to receive a new bag and cash.

5. Never have I ever got “flewed out” for Valentine’s Day.

The fact 3 of those scenarios are even true , really REALLY has me wondering why I still consider Valentine’s Day to be one of my favorite holidays. I’ve had some almost perfect Valentine’s Days but most have been nothing short of crazy. I can laugh about it now, but at the time it wasn’t so funny . We have so many fantasized romances, with the perfect guy/ or girl, the perfect date that most of us will never get because perfect doesn’t exist. I’m pretty sure guys don’t give a shit about Valentine’s Day whether in a relationship or single so ladies — WE can all keep wondering and waiting. Maybe we are hoping one of Saint Valentine’s long lost relatives is somewhere out in Dorchester ready to play matchmaker, either way I Hope everyone’s Valentine’s Day Is that and then some.

The explanation and stories for each will follow … eventually . Comment your guess below or on social media *Ig @thewinedrinkingmom.

I cant waaaiitttt to hear some of you guys’ to remind myself crazy shit doesn’t  only happen to me …right?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sometimes you outgrow people — they all can’t come.

Tonight I’m making chilli. *hehe

I really giggled when I read that because  Carter’s dad made me chili for the first time when I was 25, literally the first time. I can laugh about it now but, the first time I had it I wasn’t laughing at all, I was actually mad… mad the shit was so good and it took me 25 years to ever try it.

I immediately called my mom.

“Mom why did u never make chili for us growing up? I just had chili and it was good how come you never cooked it?”

In my moms typical fashion really blunt and to the point, “I don’t know ashley I just didn’t, but make sure you bring me some”.

Crazy right?

Everytine I think of that story I’m like I gotta up my game, can’t make the same 9 meals Or my sons going to be bamboozled  by some fast girl making him chicken broccoli and ziti.— look at me.

carter’s dad reads this… Its just jokes— it’s just jokes ❤️

Tonight’s  wine is a Shiraz and the brand was 19 Crimes

 

FFCF033F-58E5-477D-BB4C-F9F2CBC9E7F9.jpegSix of the best food pairings for Australian Shiraz

  • * grilled or roast beef especially served rare or with a pepper sauce.
  • * barbecue, especially for younger less expensive shiraz and sparkling shiraz. …
  • * big beefy stews such as ox cheek especially ones cooked in wine or with a touch of smoky spice like a chilli.

It’s alcohol content is 14.5%!! I like that and it was about $10

Cheers*

I was thinking today and getting older is a crazy thing, and what’s even more crazy is getting older and realizing you’re getting older, your thought processes are changing. Things you once did you have no desire to do anymore , people you always hung out with you don’t really see as much, things that were once appealing to you, you could never imagine doing, but biggest thing of all people you were once attracted to absolutely disgust you.

That was harsh, but you guys know what I mean, think about your taste in men/ women 9-10 years ago. Could you image dealing with the same kind of people now?

Truth be told, sometimes it happens, 9-10 years later you find yourself dealing with people who haven’t grown unfortunately. Much like running to the club every weekend, or staying up past  1 am at the latest you realize you just can’t do it anymore— you just don’t want to.

sometimes you outgrow people —- they all can’t come.

Growth is inevitable… but the time it takes for us to individually plateau, to reach our ultimate pinnacle of greatness however is not. Some people aren’t destined to be great, and that’s the truth. Some people don’t have the necessary tools to apply themselves to do better , or even want better and it’s not your job to try and equip them with the tools. Sometimes you have to let people be, and a lot of times it’s the people you love most.

I’ve seen people break for people who wouldn’t even bend for them, —I’ve been one of those people.

The same people you’re breaking for are going to be in the same spot you left them if it’s any consolation. Regression should never be apart of the plan for any of us, waiting for the next person to catch up will slow you down. A lot of times seperating yourself from someone who has no intentions of doing better or even worse someone who in their mind is doing so well,— it’s obvious they’ve  literally tricked themselves into thinking they are living their “best life” but anyone with their shit even kind of together can see they aren’t.

you gotta leave em’

If it’s you or them you have to remind yourself you’re going to pick you everytime, you’ll keep breaking yourself over and over until you realize that.

They don’t call it “growing pains for nothing”.

Often times we stunt our growth to keep others comfortable, how dumb is that? Safe to assume if you have to do that then whoever you’re doing it for shouldn’t be around you. The older you get, the more you realize you need to surround yourself with people who speak life into you, people who’s goals align with your goals, people who inspire you to want more, to have more. Do the people in your life do that currently ? If not … tell em, “don’t let the door hit ya’ where the good lord split ya”. – they gotta go.

Our growth comes in waves , I’ve realized it’s something you can’t rush, dead weight has a way of dropping off on its own sometimes… so don’t rush it.

May your glo’ up be in line with your grow up.

 

So you mean I gotta be broke, broke…

In the midst of my baby fever, as I stare at the repost of the newborn with 100k likes, one of those babies we ohh and ahh about on social media, one of those babies who don’t really look like anything we’d reproduce but we imagine having one just as cute of our own. I don’t know about ya’ll but I quickly have to remind myself.- Bitch, you’re broke.

Snap out of it.

It took me about 8 months to finally get pregnant with Carter after his father and I started “trying” … 6 months in I was convinced my va-jay-jay was broken, but it wasn’t because we finally got that positive! Pregnancy was a dream for me, it really was ; I felt great, Hell I looked great.

see exhibit A.

265823BB-1257-4CB6-8601-F5BDE530B938.jpeg

I didn’t even give birth to Carter yet and already I was planning on trying for the next. I think I’m even more in my feelings because 2019 was the year to start trying again for a 2020 baby, they were to be 3 years apart … I had it all planned out. It was going to be perfect.

Now I’m over here like so who’s going to pay for it.

Not to get off subject, but do y’all knooooowww Carter’s dad and I are STILL  paying  for Carter’s birth, STILL

It’s amazing , I pay $212 biweekly for Blue Cross Blue Shield Insurance, a great insurance by the way.. expensive nonetheless but a great insurance, meanwhile there are state provided insurances …. free state provided insurances that actually pay for your child being born. Yup, you don’t pay to have the insurance and you don’t pay to have the baby either.

Gotta love America

It’s like the more money you make, the more money you’ll pay to try to exist… it’s sick. I see some women who don’t even have a damn job on their 3rd and 4th baby and I’m just sitting back like, “how sway?”

I bust my ass, working two jobs to be told, you make too much money to qualify for any benefits, meanwhile if I don’t make the money I make I won’t be able to survive, so what’s a girl to do? I wish there was like a “government scammers manual- a guide to living the hood rats dream” somewhere for purchase. I cringe at the total in the grocery store each trip, and nine times out of ten right in front of me there’s a girl with a MCM bag, pulling that good ol’ blue card out her purse to pay for her groceries and here I am with my modest Dooney and Burke scraping the bottom of my bag for exact change.

I’ll hold up a line if it means I don’t have to break a dollar, judge me.

There are so many people just playing the system and it sucks when you’re not one of them, and it especially sucks when you don’t want to be.  In the midst of my almost weekly breakdowns I try to remind myself “nothing worth having comes easy”, and I’m wondering if I’ve been lying just to make myself feel better. I’ve been trying to convince myself over time that by doing the “right things” in life I’m going to be rewarded — and I’m still here thumbing through my bills waiting.  It’s ridiculous.

It pisses me off that some people see kids as extra money on their refund check, or a way to get on the waiting list for section 8 meanwhile I’m actually working hard and just trying to figure out how I can have more kids who I want to love, and support but most of all be able to provide for — with no damn government assistance ( which they wouldn’t give me anyways) .

 

I don’t know who’s reading this but if you work for the DTA , stop.

One time I tried to apply for food stamps , I damn near cut my actual pay down to a quarter and when it came time to do the intake interview over the phone I couldn’t even remember the damn number I lied about in the first place, I hung up mad as shit, mad because I really am broke … living in Massachusetts will do that to you and meanwhile here they are interrogating me and Shanaè just cashed in her foodstamps money to by some weed. It’s sad

what’s even more fucked up is I can’t even call it a race thing because minorities aren’t the biggest recipients  of government assistance but we are under such as watchful eye as if…

The system is designed for us to fail, daycare alone is upwards $300/ week, times that by 2 and you’re paying more than $2400 a month to be able to go to work meanwhile there a bunch of people who don’t even take that home in a month.

Before I hung up on the DTA women, I was told for a household of 2, you have to make less than $40k a year to get any type of benefits, basically what I heard is you have to be broke, broke.

Much like everything else I know I am going to continue working, and hustling and lying to myself about things getting “better”, and I know eventually Christian and I will decide to have another baby. I just hate that for a lot of families raising a baby there are so many stresses but for so many others abusing the system it’s a walk in the park.

I leave for Turks and Caicos in a few weeks with my son and my family—I said I was broke guys but I’m not that broke and even paying for this trip has me a little stressed but you have moms leaving their kids with whoever to run to Atlanta every chance .

…why are the hard workers not rewarded but the slackers are, and why does the government not see they are providing a crutch, and keeping some that actually need the help crippled?

Why is the women (me) who actually has a college savings plan set up for her son, a woman who wants to pay her bills on time, live semi-comfortably and show her family the world once in a while told “no” but the ones with intentions not even close, told yes?

At this rate I’m about to start reporting their Instagram names so feel free to drop the DTA tip line below.

Signed,

a broad fed up.