But he said he was sorry.

On January 22, 2019January 22, 2019 By The Wine Drinking MomLeave a comment

I see so many women nowadays involved in abusive relationships who don’t even realize they are being abused. Part of me just wants to throw up all the red flags possible, and yell over a bullhorn “Run Sis”, and the other part of me wants her to stay and go through it so she can learn her lesson and pray nothing happens to her in the process.

Studies have shown, that if a women has been mistreated in the past even in her childhood, there’s a chance she’ll be mistreated in her next relationship as well. It’s called “multiple-victimization” and it is often misunderstood. Once I realized I unfortunately had a “type” with education, understanding and most of all compassion I grew to understand a lot of women do as well.

When I was 13 there was a boy, arguably he was my first love… I say arguably because typically when you love someone they treat you a certain way, but in my head I loved him so we will just go with that. He used to ALWAYS hit me, and I mean hard. Now growing up, I was never not rough-housing I was always VERY rough so for me being dragged around and pushed around and thrown in dirt etc… it never really dawned on me that this shouldn’t be happening, I chalked it up to “play fighting” and just tried to hold my own.

The older I got, it still continued just in different forms, not as aggressive but still aggressive at times. The rough housing mostly stopped and turned into me being referred to as bitches or hoes. Something I still didn’t like but in my head, I loved him and he loved me and that was just his personality, often times when I spoke up for myself I was being seen as “sensitive” or I was often met with , “you’re forcing it” (a term that describes a situation that becomes exaggerated). That went on for a while in high school and finally we had a falling out, and he became the next girls problem.

In my mind while trying to convince myself it was for the best I still for whatever reason wanted him to be my problem.

Most women being abused know it’s something that shouldn’t be going on but we make excuses because of “love”.

Eventually I got older and I met someone else, the next man I thought to have “loved”, he was worst. He was the first man to actually put his hands on me and BLAME me for why he did it. As I mentioned before I’ve never been one to not stand up for myself so when I got hit, I hit him back and that allowed me to walk away thinking “ oh we just got into it, we just had a fight “ I didn’t think I was being “abused” STILL.

On a side note I feel like this shits turning into a tell all, but at the same time it’s all so therapeutic so I’m just going to keep going, fuck it.

One day I was driving down Blue Hill Ave, in Boston and I will never forget the man I was seeing at the time was upset that I was involved with someone else, now at that point he was pretty much sleeping with the entire city … but he was upset I did something to him and while I was stopped at a red light, he got into my car and punched me in the side of the face, then told me to drive.

When people have crazy stories I always tell them no shit compares to some of the stuff I’ve been through, no lie …like can you imagine?… minding your business and the guy your dating getting in your car and punching you in the face? You know that Mr. Krabs meme the confused one?

No lie, I don’t even mean to bring a joke into such a serious topic, but that’s exactly how I felt, that was the first time a grown ass man ever punched me in the face number 1, number 2 I thought, “where the fuck did you just come from”, and number 3 now I have to drive with you?

And I did, and the worst part about it was I slept with him after.

I don’t fault any woman for being stuck in situations —- fucked up situations because look at the shit I was doing. We acted like it was no big deal, until it happened again and every time it did it was because of something “ I did” so eventually I grew accustomed to these fights, chalking it up to what I did, and moving on.

I always hear the heroes talk about what they would have done, before it used to piss me off listening to women with the, “I wish someone would hit me, as if they were so big and bad”, because no one, not even the toughest female knows what it’s like to be literally fist fighting with a man until you’re actually going through it. I’m 5’0, 125 lbs on a normal day so when I hear the tough talk part of me does wish the experience on them.

Then when you finally talk about it, the question of why didn’t you say something? comes up.

I have before, after a night of getting into yet another fight I went to the police station, reluctantly but I did, and I filed a report. A few days later he got the court notice and I was quickly labeled as being a “snitch” and I denied it was me… I never went to court and that was the end of that. My little scared straight technique Didn’t do shit and severed relationships in the process.

I still stayed.

Eventually he went to jail, on account of something completely unrelated to me and part of me was relieved. There came a point I was praying that man out of my life, asking God to do it for me because obviously I wasn’t strong enough to do it in my own. After having my face so swollen I had to call out of work, after being constantly belittled and disrespected I still felt like I “loved him” —- such a dumbass I was.

Freedom rang.

My friends, my really close friends always knew about the tumultuous things I had going on with men and they tried as best they could to help, but I never really got any help, I had all these traumatic ass situations going on and I still woke up, smiled and went to work cheerful meanwhile I was going through some of the most traumatizing shit.

I’d get hit or choked , or kicked and after he said he was sorry …. so it was ok.

Facades can be exhausting. —-clearly.

National statistics show 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have reported being involved in a violent relationship (hitting, pushing, and shoving) and as I pointed out I myself believed that fighting back didn’t make it as bad as it really was. Abuse has become normalized and it’s sad. It’s sad that women are being brainwashed into thinking it’s ok, Hell men are too. Saddest part is the “love” that we have all fought so hard for couldn’t be the furthest thing from, and what’s even more sad Is based on our introduction to love, we may never even really find it —- myself included .

I was finally 26 when I was introduced to a domestic violence advocate, 13 fucking years after I was first hit by someone of the opposite sex. Can you believe that? Me being abused became a norm for me, a habit, much like someone who smokes cigarettes or indulges in other addictive behaviors, —- I can imagine most wonder why don’t you just leave? I hope that comparison made it easier for you to understand, there’s no just leaving… something bad usually happens before enough is enough and then it’s too late.

My story didn’t end here and Mr. #2 wasn’t the last man to punch me.

I’m still a work in progress, but I know what I do and do not deserve. PERIOD

I hope my mini tell-allll sheds light on an insensitivity that’s associated with domestic violence and I hope it sheds even more light to someone who may be going through it.

Theres always help.

Home

On January 18, 2019January 18, 2019 By The Wine Drinking MomLeave a comment

Sometimes you outgrow people — they all can’t come.

On January 17, 2019January 17, 2019 By The Wine Drinking MomLeave a comment

Tonight I’m making chilli. *hehe

I really giggled when I read that because Carter’s dad made me chili for the first time when I was 25, literally the first time. I can laugh about it now but, the first time I had it I wasn’t laughing at all, I was actually mad… mad the shit was so good and it took me 25 years to ever try it.

I immediately called my mom.

“Mom why did u never make chili for us growing up? I just had chili and it was good how come you never cooked it?”

In my moms typical fashion really blunt and to the point, “I don’t know ashley I just didn’t, but make sure you bring me some”.

Crazy right?

Everytine I think of that story I’m like I gotta up my game, can’t make the same 9 meals Or my sons going to be bamboozled by some fast girl making him chicken broccoli and ziti.— look at me.

carter’s dad reads this… Its just jokes— it’s just jokes ❤️

Tonight’s wine is a Shiraz and the brand was 19 Crimes

Six of the best food pairings for Australian Shiraz

* grilled or roast beef especially served rare or with a pepper sauce.
* barbecue, especially for younger less expensive shiraz and sparkling shiraz. …
* big beefy stews such as ox cheek especially ones cooked in wine or with a touch of smoky spice like a chilli.

It’s alcohol content is 14.5%!! I like that and it was about $10

Cheers*

I was thinking today and getting older is a crazy thing, and what’s even more crazy is getting older and realizing you’re getting older, your thought processes are changing. Things you once did you have no desire to do anymore , people you always hung out with you don’t really see as much, things that were once appealing to you, you could never imagine doing, but biggest thing of all people you were once attracted to absolutely disgust you.

That was harsh, but you guys know what I mean, think about your taste in men/ women 9-10 years ago. Could you image dealing with the same kind of people now?

Truth be told, sometimes it happens, 9-10 years later you find yourself dealing with people who haven’t grown unfortunately. Much like running to the club every weekend, or staying up past 1 am at the latest you realize you just can’t do it anymore— you just don’t want to.

sometimes you outgrow people —- they all can’t come.

Growth is inevitable… but the time it takes for us to individually plateau, to reach our ultimate pinnacle of greatness however is not. Some people aren’t destined to be great, and that’s the truth. Some people don’t have the necessary tools to apply themselves to do better , or even want better and it’s not your job to try and equip them with the tools. Sometimes you have to let people be, and a lot of times it’s the people you love most.

I’ve seen people break for people who wouldn’t even bend for them, —I’ve been one of those people.

The same people you’re breaking for are going to be in the same spot you left them if it’s any consolation. Regression should never be apart of the plan for any of us, waiting for the next person to catch up will slow you down. A lot of times seperating yourself from someone who has no intentions of doing better or even worse someone who in their mind is doing so well,— it’s obvious they’ve literally tricked themselves into thinking they are living their “best life” but anyone with their shit even kind of together can see they aren’t.

you gotta leave em’

If it’s you or them you have to remind yourself you’re going to pick you everytime, you’ll keep breaking yourself over and over until you realize that.

They don’t call it “growing pains for nothing”.

Often times we stunt our growth to keep others comfortable, how dumb is that? Safe to assume if you have to do that then whoever you’re doing it for shouldn’t be around you. The older you get, the more you realize you need to surround yourself with people who speak life into you, people who’s goals align with your goals, people who inspire you to want more, to have more. Do the people in your life do that currently ? If not … tell em, “don’t let the door hit ya’ where the good lord split ya”. – they gotta go.

Our growth comes in waves , I’ve realized it’s something you can’t rush, dead weight has a way of dropping off on its own sometimes… so don’t rush it.

May your glo’ up be in line with your grow up.

So you mean I gotta be broke, broke…

On January 15, 2019January 18, 2019 By The Wine Drinking MomLeave a comment

In the midst of my baby fever, as I stare at the repost of the newborn with 100k likes, one of those babies we ohh and ahh about on social media, one of those babies who don’t really look like anything we’d reproduce but we imagine having one just as cute of our own. I don’t know about ya’ll but I quickly have to remind myself.- Bitch, you’re broke.

Snap out of it.

It took me about 8 months to finally get pregnant with Carter after his father and I started “trying” … 6 months in I was convinced my va-jay-jay was broken, but it wasn’t because we finally got that positive! Pregnancy was a dream for me, it really was ; I felt great, Hell I looked great.

see exhibit A.

I didn’t even give birth to Carter yet and already I was planning on trying for the next. I think I’m even more in my feelings because 2019 was the year to start trying again for a 2020 baby, they were to be 3 years apart … I had it all planned out. It was going to be perfect.

Now I’m over here like so who’s going to pay for it.

Not to get off subject, but do y’all knooooowww Carter’s dad and I are STILL paying for Carter’s birth, STILL

It’s amazing , I pay $212 biweekly for Blue Cross Blue Shield Insurance, a great insurance by the way.. expensive nonetheless but a great insurance, meanwhile there are state provided insurances …. free state provided insurances that actually pay for your child being born. Yup, you don’t pay to have the insurance and you don’t pay to have the baby either.

Gotta love America

It’s like the more money you make, the more money you’ll pay to try to exist… it’s sick. I see some women who don’t even have a damn job on their 3rd and 4th baby and I’m just sitting back like, “how sway?”

I bust my ass, working two jobs to be told, you make too much money to qualify for any benefits, meanwhile if I don’t make the money I make I won’t be able to survive, so what’s a girl to do? I wish there was like a “government scammers manual- a guide to living the hood rats dream” somewhere for purchase. I cringe at the total in the grocery store each trip, and nine times out of ten right in front of me there’s a girl with a MCM bag, pulling that good ol’ blue card out her purse to pay for her groceries and here I am with my modest Dooney and Burke scraping the bottom of my bag for exact change.

I’ll hold up a line if it means I don’t have to break a dollar, judge me.

There are so many people just playing the system and it sucks when you’re not one of them, and it especially sucks when you don’t want to be. In the midst of my almost weekly breakdowns I try to remind myself “nothing worth having comes easy”, and I’m wondering if I’ve been lying just to make myself feel better. I’ve been trying to convince myself over time that by doing the “right things” in life I’m going to be rewarded — and I’m still here thumbing through my bills waiting. It’s ridiculous.

It pisses me off that some people see kids as extra money on their refund check, or a way to get on the waiting list for section 8 meanwhile I’m actually working hard and just trying to figure out how I can have more kids who I want to love, and support but most of all be able to provide for — with no damn government assistance ( which they wouldn’t give me anyways) .

I don’t know who’s reading this but if you work for the DTA , stop.

One time I tried to apply for food stamps , I damn near cut my actual pay down to a quarter and when it came time to do the intake interview over the phone I couldn’t even remember the damn number I lied about in the first place, I hung up mad as shit, mad because I really am broke … living in Massachusetts will do that to you and meanwhile here they are interrogating me and Shanaè just cashed in her foodstamps money to by some weed. It’s sad

what’s even more fucked up is I can’t even call it a race thing because minorities aren’t the biggest recipients of government assistance but we are under such as watchful eye as if…

The system is designed for us to fail, daycare alone is upwards $300/ week, times that by 2 and you’re paying more than $2400 a month to be able to go to work meanwhile there a bunch of people who don’t even take that home in a month.

Before I hung up on the DTA women, I was told for a household of 2, you have to make less than $40k a year to get any type of benefits, basically what I heard is you have to be broke, broke.

Much like everything else I know I am going to continue working, and hustling and lying to myself about things getting “better”, and I know eventually Christian and I will decide to have another baby. I just hate that for a lot of families raising a baby there are so many stresses but for so many others abusing the system it’s a walk in the park.

I leave for Turks and Caicos in a few weeks with my son and my family—I said I was broke guys but I’m not that broke and even paying for this trip has me a little stressed but you have moms leaving their kids with whoever to run to Atlanta every chance .

…why are the hard workers not rewarded but the slackers are, and why does the government not see they are providing a crutch, and keeping some that actually need the help crippled?

Why is the women (me) who actually has a college savings plan set up for her son, a woman who wants to pay her bills on time, live semi-comfortably and show her family the world once in a while told “no” but the ones with intentions not even close, told yes?

At this rate I’m about to start reporting their Instagram names so feel free to drop the DTA tip line below.

Signed,

a broad fed up.

I’m about to build a wall, right along with Trump.

On January 10, 2019 By The Wine Drinking MomLeave a comment

It’s been one of the fucking weeks and it’s only Wednesday. — lord take the wheel.

I guess at the same time I should be happy because this special day calls for wine (none of y’all better point out the fact I usually drink wine every night, mind your business).

Tonights wine of choice …

A Barfoot Reisling, it’s my fav. Reisling is the perfect wine for the former Moscato drinker who was drinking moscato before a lot of people drank wine, the drinker who never really wanted to stop but it became hoodrat•ish to drink Moscato so they had to up their palate by like 3% . —- a.k.a the perfect wine for me.

Facts about Reisling:

If you are looking for a no fail wine for a slew of appetizers, Riesling has got your covered. If you’ve got a spicy Thai dish – again it’s Riesling to bail you out, letting the slightly sweet tame the heat. Middle Eastern to Mexican cuisine, it’s Riesling to the pairing rescue. Not to mention many desserts and salads, along with the pseudo-standard poultry and pork dishes, all natural partners for everything Riesling.

Now that I got my wine, I’m going to take a minute and warn any men reading this… I don’t have shit nice to say about y’all right now so if you take offense easily, or fall into the vast majority of types of men I’m about to bash… exit stage left.

Yo,

Men ain’t shit.

This is something I found the hard way quite a while ago but I’m really realizing like really, really realizing most men ain’t shit. For the few good men that are left I said “most” because I can absolutely recognize that all men ain’t shit, some men are in fact ,— the shit. Props to y’all .07%

All jokes aside between R. Kelly’s pissy ass, Donald Trump’s crazy ass, Larry D. Woodruffe and Eric Black Jr. who the hell is raising these “men”?

For those who have been under a rock, Woodruffe and Black have been arrested for the killing of Jazmine Barnes. Jazmine was 7 years old riding with her mother and her 3 sisters when the two pulled beside the car and began shooting, they mistook the car as belonging to someone they had an issue with in a club… can you imagine ? When I heard that, I literally got sick to my stomach, even sicker than R.Kelly’s lifetime series — only because we knew he’s been a rapist. * Kanye Shrug

Half of me wants to believe some people are just born with problems, and the other half of me wants to believe we all have choices and what frustrates me the most is MEN ARE SUPPOSED TO BE PROVIDERS !!!!! Men are supposed to provide! Let that sink in, and I will say it again, by nature men are supposed to PROVIDE, and these men are the same ones destroying. I have been so completely turned off by the fact a man is supposed to “take care of you” because that shit just isn’t happening.

At this point I’m about to build a wall right along with Trump just to get away.

Fact is, men have lost their way … I’d really like to make it about a race thing citing black men as being way more problematic than other races… but that’s a personal vendetta I have (hehe) and furthermore it’s not true all men are honestly showing how monstrous they can be… how they can use their size, their power, and intimidate and bully everyone more specifically women and children and it is not fucking ok.

All we’ve been hearing, “build the wall and the government shut down will end which won’t have an affect on taxes, foodstamps and government workers pay”. What a fucking shame that the President of the United States … the one who was chose to represent us, to protect us ( which was a big mistake we all knew, except for the racist Republicans) is using such things as a bargaining tools to get what he wants, for the simple reason—- because he can.

Forgive me for this statement but, “typical man”. I’m not ignorant by any means… of course women use what they have to get what they want I mean come on, we have vaginas but I’m sorry I have been seeing abuse of power happening too often and it’s been happening by the same ones that we entrust to provide— bullshit.

Its honestly disgusting, it’s sad and frankly it’s scary. I say all the time parents have a harder job raising men and I won’t stress it enough. The way these fuck boys keep popping up, (excuse my language) but someone’s not doing their job. Crazy shit is the shift is becoming the norm, women nowadays know men ain’t providing shit, they expect it… tthey are prepared to be hurt, disappointed and ultimately fucked over, it’s become the norm. Low ass expectations from these so-called, “men”. I honestly hate it, my standards on society are changing so much and like I said it’s becoming the norm, so where’s that leave the ones that realize most of the things going on shouldn’t be normalized?

I’m no feminist by any means, I love men,I don’t like them… but I love them; I just wished they’d get it the fuck together. Too many things are resulting on account of “men” fucking up and the shit needs to stop. The enabling needs to stop, and there needs to be more accountability- I guess until that happens we are all screwed, and hopefully you’re not underage and around R.Kelly or you’re going to really be screwed.

Don’t take offense, *another Kanye Shrug* I absolutely feel for all those girls believe me I do, but those parents outta be ashamed of themselves.

periodt

Told y’all I wasn’t a feminist.

07% of the good men left spread the word.

Goodnight.

Self Care > Being a mom.

On January 5, 2019January 18, 2019 By The Wine Drinking MomLeave a comment

It was around 6 weeks after I had my son when I felt depressed… like really overwhelmed with depression. It was so crazy because I was warned about postpartum depression by my doctor, by my mother & I didn’t imagine it happening to me, but it did.

I’d say the first few weeks of being a new mom for me was the “honeymoon stage” I had dad still home with me on paternity leave, my mom took a good amount of days off with me especially since I had a c-section and couldn’t do much and we had a bunch of visitors. The first few weeks you get food, you get the random checks -ins that allow you to get the “mommy break” you desperately need whether it’s to shower, sit down and actually eat, or just to take a shit in peace without having to worry about taking too long.

I’m being real here.

After those three weeks it’s good luck sista. I was out of work for a little over 12 weeks on maternity leave and when I say I couldn’t wait to get back to the office—- whew chilay. Finding a balance between me and having a new baby was very difficult for me. I tried to play it off so bad too as if this new motherly shit came with such ease but the truth was it didn’t. At least twice a day I felt like I was drowning inside, I’d literally cry in the shower for all of 10 minutes because that’s all the time I got and get out and attempt to take on what felt like the weight of the world. I was expected to breastfeed every 3 hours, keep a somewhat clean home, do laundry, change diapers—basically make sure Carter stayed alive and all the while I was forgetting about myself.

Its funny because everyone complimented me on how much weight I lost so quickly — well duh that’s what happens when you don’t eat. I would be running on no sleep and not even eat sometimes for 12+ hours. I felt crazy, I felt overwhelmed, I felt like, “how am I going to be able to do this”? —- maybe having Carter was a mistake.

“Why didn’t you ask for help”?

I’ll never forget I was at my moms house with Carter’s dad and we were sitting on the couch and I started crying to him, he looked at my like I was crazy. I told him, “I’m not getting what I need from you” at that point he really looked at me like I was crazy because for the past 6+ weeks he’s been staying up with me, changing diapers, basically doing everything but breastfeeding and I still felt like he just wasn’t doing enough. It frustrated me that I couldn’t articulate what I needed but I knew I needed more than what I was getting… at that point I realized I was depressed.

I had a doctors appointment a few days after, it was my first one taking Carter alone, still healing from my c-section I painfully packed Carter up and took the trip from Canton to Boston (not a short drive by any means) part of me was so happy to have made it but still the other part of me felt fucking helpless, struggling to get packed up, wash my ass and Carter’s and manage to leave the house on time after not sleeping for weeks and barely eating to get to the appointment and hear “how have you been feeling” if ever there would have been a more appropriate time to respond, “how do you think bitch?”…

I think that would have been it.

I finally opened up to my doctor about how I was starting to feel sad, I knew I didn’t want to be put on medicine it’s not like I was cooped up with Carter in the house …it was the late Summer so by then we had been everywhere, the beach for walks, the park I’d always take him out to keep busy but for some reason I just couldn’t shake this feeling of “I have such a big responsibility literally FOREVER and I don’t feel like I can do it”.

I left that appointment with a prescription for my high ass blood pressure and the realization I needed to pull it together, I didn’t know how but I needed to.

I started forcing myself to eat, even when I didn’t feel hungry. I started waking up on Saturday and bringing Carter to the hair salon with me, I started getting back into the swing of things —- getting back to the old Ashley.

Funny story, I’ll never fucking forget, I brought Carter to the hair salon with me for the first time. I was determined as hell to get my $12 roller set from the Dominicans so I set out to make it there for 9 am, when they first opened in hopes of “getting in and getting out” —- then I woke up . Clearly I forgot I was on baby time because we got there around noon, disheveled as shit but we made it. I was happy, I felt accomplished. It was packed but luckily I found a seat and nestled Carter next to me in his stroller and we waited… I was 1/2 through my 3 hour salon visit when Carter to the shit of the century, there was no changing table in the only small ass bathroom they had but I made it work. I changed my then newborn’s explosive poop diaper on my lap, give him a damn bird bath because he pooped up his back, changed his clothes and got back under the dryer.

The devil was a liar that day.

3 hours, $12 dollars and a poppin’ ass roller set later I realized 2 things. 1) I needed to stop being a cheap ass bitch and find a better salon with more seats and a better bathroom and 2) I DID IT. I had one of my first stressful ass “I’m on my own” mom moments and I figured it out. It was the first time I really felt like a good mom, —-a mom that handles shit.

After that, you couldn’t tell me nothing, the old ashley was back and she had a new partner in crime.

I tell that story because when women become moms we tend forget about ourselves. Sure I would have gotten my hair done I probably would have went a few more weeks without going until Carter’s dad didn’t work one morning or my mom was free but instead I made it a point to do what I needed to do for myself… on my own time!

I don’t know about you but the importance of self care as a new mom was never stressed to me, instead all I heard was, “it’s no longer about you, your life’s going to change so much… you just wait” — such daunting comments. I wasn’t empowered and perhaps if I had been things may have been different for me in the beginning. What good of a mom and I when I’m not being good to myself? Self care for me comes in many forms, it wasn’t only about the hair salon, or the nail salon, self care turned into strolls by the beach at sunset and going to my complex gym, and to this day self care for me means therapy appointments that Carter frequents as well.

Being a mom to me has become it, like the pinnacle of everything it’s my focus and will be my focus forever and anytime I feel myself drifting, I realize I gotta stay good for Carter.

You can ask me, is it selfish to put you before your kids”? And I’ll answer yes and no. Carter’s needs will ALWAYS come before anything, PERIODT, but in the past 16 almost 17 months I’ve learned how much maintaining a healthy mom for Carter means and that’s pretty important too.

Stay well,

Love and Light ❤

Read below, some important facts about postpartum depression

8 Things to Watch For post baby.

Your “baby blues” don’t get better. It’s common to have a dip in mood during your baby’s first 2 weeks. After that, you should feel better. But if you’re still sad or even hopeless weeks later, and the feelings are growing intense, that’s more than the blues.

Sadness or guilt consume your thoughts.Feeling upset once in a while is normal. But if you have crying spells, or you often feel unhappy about being a parent, or you’re often “down on yourself” as a mom, these may be among the first signs of postpartum depression.

You lose interest in things you enjoy. Are you laughing at your favorite romantic comedy? Are you interested in being affectionate with your partner? What about your favorite foods? Are you enjoying them? Are you eating at all? If you said no, talk to your doctor about these changes in mood and habits.

You have trouble making decisions. Maybe you’re too tired to think straight. Maybe you just don’t care. If you can’t decide whether or not to get out of bed, take a shower, change your baby’s diaper, or take her for a walk, these may be early signs of postpartum depression.

You worry you won’t be a good mom. Who hasn’t worried about this? It’s common among moms whose babies are sick or premature, or were born with special needs. But if this is not your situation, then having constant doubts about yourself as a mother could mean something else.

Your sleep patterns have changed. Of course they have. You have a baby! But if you can’t even rest when your child is napping, or you’re sleeping all the time, that’s likely something other than a new sleep pattern.

You’ve had big, stressful changes in your life. Maybe you’ve been fighting with your partner, or your family isn’t helping you care for your baby. Perhaps someone you loved died a short time ago. Stressful events like these can worsen your sadness and trigger postpartum depression.

You think about harming yourself. Thoughts of suicide, or hurting yourself or your baby, are advanced signs of postpartum depression and even postpartum psychosis, a rare and serious mental illness that happens with postpartum depression. If you’re having any kind of suicidal thoughts, you’re in crisis and need to call your doctor or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255immediately to get help.

Mentally checked out.

On January 3, 2019 By The Wine Drinking MomLeave a comment

You ever have some days you just wake up next to someone wondering, “I don’t know why I’m still with them”… I can imagine those in an unhappy relationship can relate.

& then

….there were those who were in an unhappy relationship read that and probably cringed at the thought of them waking up in the PAST—- with the exact same feeling.

I’d also like to point out after I wrote that I got a nose bleed. My ass struck a nerve —— literally. Whew chilay, but I got some tissue, I’m good. Moving on.

Today I was asked “why does it take so long for women to physically leave a relationship/ situation that they have already left mentally”.

I’m no rocket scientist but I can imagine it amounts to a few things…

One being sex, another being companionship, but most of all maybe the thought of this is as good as it’s going to get, maybe this is what I deserve, so like a “good woman” we submit and settle.

I use the term good woman loosely because what the fuck does that even mean nowadays but that’s another topic for another time.

Somehow in society it became acceptable or the norm for men to sleep around …you have sex with a few to a triple dozen women in a year — no big fucking deal right? But a woman who’s been with a man for years unhappy or not what’s she going out on a dick hunt after a break up? .. no most aren’t and if she does she’s going through a “hoe phase”

Lose lose

it’s just easy being with the same person … plain and simple its easy. We all have our breaking points and until you’ve reached it being with someone that you know, someone that your comfortable with, that you’ve already weathered storms for at that point even if you’re unhappy with them it’s easier than letting go sometimes —- & having to start the fuck over.

“When things are good they are good, but when it’s bad… it’s bad” we’ve all made that excuse… we know this relationship or situation whatever it is it’s not where We want to end up, but reality is I’m here…

imagine being 35, Im extending this exercise to you readers not myself because there’s no way I want to imagine myself being 35 and still having relationship problems… so you guys imagine for me. You’re 35, unmarried, you share 2 kids with a man or a woman and both of you are unhappy, you guys are co existing with a few good nights here and there the two of you’ve been together for the past 9 years and that’s one of your best friends , you definitely don’t like him/ her at times but you know they have your back. You think about just leaving, taking the kids … and starting over but would you really leave? The longer woman stay in unhealthy relationships the easier it becomes to make more excuses on why we shouldn’t or can’t leave . Literally the thought of leaving the relationship although so unhealthy makes you realize, “I can’t” so we stay. Women work funny as hell because as much as I just gave the sob story on how we will stay , we are just as quick to leave.

Sex could be good but what good is community dick if he’s a cheater ? Yeah the companionships nice but on the flip side there are “good men” out there who care about their women’s happiness and I want one” do I really want to get to know someone else? … Well yes bitch you do! ** our crazy asses even answer our own questions.

no lie.

—- the back and forth in our heads is so confusing with all the “what if’s” a lot of times it’s easier to stay although mentally checked out.

One thing’s for sure…

women almost never make an irrational move so if staying even though we may not want to forever is the right thing to do to ensure when we do leave We are good—-then that’s what we have to do.

its funny because all the tell tale signs of a woman being unhappy are always there and the man either ignores them or assumes well she’s still here she’s not leaving so they become comfortable , then they are crying when the bags are packed.

Damn fools.

So to answer your question some women stay out of low self esteem, some women stay to buy time.

So men if you’re fucking up either get it together or leave, save us all a nose bleed.

“How you bring in the new year is how your new year will be spent”

On January 1, 2019 By The Wine Drinking MomLeave a comment

Happy New Year everyone ! Can you believe it’s 2019? I was literally just thinking about New Years eve 1999 and everyone was scared when 2000 came something was going to happen—- like the world was going to end or something. Here we are 19 years later, time fucking flies man.

As I drive back from The Berkshires, I figured I’d take advantage of a quiet car ride since Carter’s sleeping and talk about our night.

It was great.

I wish we stayed longer.

Friday I decided although I’m broke and should absolutely be saving for my vacation next month I didn’t want to spend New Years locally, I didn’t want to spend New Years in a club… I wanted to spend New Years RELAXED. 2018 was by FAR one of the most stressful, tumultuous years of my life there was no way I was welcoming yet another revolution around the sun the same way I have in the past. So I overpacked a bag like I was about to board a Spirit flight to Miami, got Carter ready and him, his dad and I were off.

Reminders for next time include but are not limited to drinking copious amounts of wine PRIOR to leaving so the buzz gets a chance to set in, because driving for 2+ hours with Carter and his dad —— whew chilay.

Finally, We made it. We arrived at the Marriott in Lenox, MA … we were for sure the only black people there. What’s new? We get checked in, get to the room And it was so nice for all of 7 minutes. Carter lost his damn mind … prank calling the front desk, jumping all over the couches and yelling at the top of his lungs, reminder he’s only 16 months—lord.

Aside from the fact at that moment I realized I had a real life Bebe’s kid.. I was so happy to see him just… being. A New Years resolution of mine is to travel more with Carter, live my best life but bring him too ! Just seeing him explore and be excited to be somewhere new warmed my heart so much, it was the perfect prelude for what’s to come in 2019.

We decorated the room (we’ll Cart’s dad did but I’ll take some credit) and we headed to the pool, I forgot Carter’s swim trunks so we let him swim in his diaper, some real BeBe kid shit … only black people in the whole hotel, hell probably the whole Berkshires and here they come with a hidden bottle of champagne and their baby in a diaper – yup.

It was perfect, Carter’s dad entertained him so I could drink champagne in the jacuzzi with a drunk couple and a 50 something women with unshaved underarms talking about her 4 kids, I thought to myself “ happy news years bitch you’re really a mom” but it’s exactly what I wanted.

Aren’t we too old to be turning up every New Years? Is it me or did a lot of people keep it low key this year? You know what they say, “how you bring in your New Year is how it will be spent”. If that saying proved to be at all true, did you bring in your new year the way you’d like it to be spent ? If not —- you’re probably off to a bad start, tighten up. Day 1 of 365 and I woke up blessed. I got drunk last night; Something I plan to do on the regular in 2019 but in moderation if that makes sense… I turned up with my son and his dad, is that something that will be done regularly? I’m not sure check back with me next month but most of all I was happy… I brought in the new year with a full heart. Couldn’t ask for much else

We ordered Dominoes , popped bottles , hung with our son … laughed and danced! Nothing else mattered at this point, we lived in the moment —- I need more of that this year.

I pray for everyone 2019 brings new levels. Every year we start out with all these goals, all these aspirations and as the year progresses we lose sight of them. This is the year to go hard, regardless of why you’re grinding just remember to grind. I’m winning this year, me and my BeBe kid! I’m already claiming it.

Periodt!

Happy New Year everyone, be sure to check out more of my New Year’s Eve below.

Butt… was it really worth it? -An anal anomaly

On December 28, 2018January 18, 2019 By The Wine Drinking MomLeave a comment

Happy Friday y’all!

I wanted to talk about anal sex today, it’s the last freaky Friday before the new year so why the hell not?

Some of you may be trying to do something strange for a little bit of change on Monday so this could really help.

Just a heads up, mom if you’re reading this a) I’d advise not to and b) if you still choose to please do not call or text me. —- love you.

Is it just me or has Anal Sex become normalized ? It’s funny because a few years ago if you brought up anal sex to someone they looked at you with such disgust, they gave you the “you really do that confused, turned up face look” – the ones who have done anal and openly talked about it know. I myself know—- I’ve gotten it a few times.

Its funny becuse I always go over my grandmothers house… she’s so cool and I sit and talk to her all the time about anything and everything. Not too long ago she said, “Ash, do you know the kids are having sex in their butts…that’s disgusting” I went on to replied, “yes nana I do— I’m one of those kids”

Immediately followed that, you really do that? Confused, turned up face look … the one I mentioned earlier.

I’m laughing thinking about it, shit was hilarious; I wish she didn’t have an Obama phone so I could send her the link to read this.

Most people by now should know that half of my responses to questions are usually to shock people and the other half are to really talk about different subjects no matter how shocking they are , I mean come on who really talks about anal sex with their grandmother ?

So we talked and just as we are talking about it now, we came to the conclusion Anal is popular, statistics show as of 2016 “over 30 percent of women engaged in anal sex “some time” Everyone’s doing it

My friend texted me the other day, (she’d be mortified if I mentioned her name) … she was so proud she joined the #bootybrigade … in my head I’m reading it like… bout time bitch, but this just shows how times have changed.

Aside from the fact she clearly didn’t get the memo that sperm is like a slow acting enema that always comes to “bite you in the butt” the next morning (haha get it) I was so happy to hear how sexually empowered she felt. All jokes aside tho, letting a man ejaculate in your butt is a sure guarantee to diarrhea the next day, if you want to be a hero I’d recommend being adventurous on the weekend.

I promise you if you do it and you have work the next day you’ll be asking yourself — butt was it really worth it? As your stuck on a toilet somewhere.

Back to the subject

I swear it’s like butt sex has become an accomplishment, once you do it… you can do anything. Now don’t go out ready to do anal sex because of what I’m saying that may be the dumbest shit ever—- but if you do, please make sure you tell me about it, I love a juicy story.

What I am getting at is times are changing … often times men pressured women into sexual acts nowadays women are requesting them! And that’s amazing . It’s showing what we like and don’t like, it’s showing that we deserve pleasure and satisfaction too and shouldn’t be afraid to ask for it.

Let’s leave “matching everyone’s energy” in 2018.

On December 27, 2018December 27, 2018 By The Wine Drinking MomLeave a comment

First off … Happy Wine Wednesday y’all !

Tonight’s wine is Relax Reisling

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Riesling Food Pairing

Think Spice. Because of Riesling’s sweetness and acidity, it makes the perfect accompaniment to spicy food. Strong Indian and Asian spices are a perfect match with Riesling. A classic pairing with Riesling is spiced duck leg.

I personally don’t care for this brand it leaves a weird after taste for me, but it wasn’t that bad …it was $9.99 at my local liquor store and has an ABV of 9%.

So grab you’re glasses and let’s talk.

I don’t know about y’all but for the greater half of 2018, I’ve been one bitter ass bitch. In April I moved out of the home I shared with my child’s father to embark on a new journey living by myself with our then 8 month old, something I was mad as hell about . I knew the relationship at that point was getting to a very unhealthy place so it was a decision I had to make, I was still just so mad I was “forced” to take those steps.

I was mad about the rent I’d be paying on my own ( which by the way is more than a lot of mortgages) I was mad I wouldn’t get any help during the night, ACTUALLY let me rephrase that I was PISSED I wouldn’t be getting any help during the night considering I haven’t had a good night sleep since 8/12/2017. I was mad we let our relationship get so bad it was really at the point of “no return”… I was just fucking mad I had to pick up the pieces on a situation I felt like was the next persons fault.

I had no accountability.

I quickly adopted the “do them how they do you” mentality

I’ve felt like I’ve been the bigger person in so many scenarios and in the end I’ve always ended up on the bottom of the totem pole.

So “fuck it” became my go to phrase.

What I failed to realize much like many others is, what I considered to be “failures” always turned out to be victories. Sure I had to pay double the rent now that I’m living on my own but guess what it’s getting paid ! Sure I’m tired but I wake up everyday and I’m able to persevere, luckily I’m blessed with a great circle of friends and family that can help me along the way. I still have lots of support from my sons father which could have went the other way as well. Good things were still happening for me.

I had to get rid of that woe is me attitude, that shit will keep you stuck.

Read this and read it to understand

“How can you stay true to who you are while embodying the same energies that disrupt you”?

I can can count on my hands, your hands and all of our toes how many times I’ve said the phrase, “ well you did it”

Sad.

Like what are we 7?

I sit back sometimes like bitch you are 27 years old , they might not know better but you do. What do you get out of reciprocating the same fucked up energy that interrupted you in the first place ? —- not a damn thing.

I used to fault myself sometimes for having a good heart, and not being able to really do people how they’ve done me in the past and now I’m so thankful.

Imagine being so bitter rather than wanting better and wishing them well regardless of how they may have mistreated you, you become so absorbed in trying to make someone feel as bad as they mad you feel. —- whew chilay. I’ve learned to pray for people like that.

It takes a big heart, to pour out love when so much hates been spilled .

Do that shit anyways.

Fuck matching energy.

We are the energy.

Be the vibe you’d want to have given to you and see what happens .

Can’t be any worse than walking around angry all the time.

I’ve said sorry so much to so many people this year… peope I never thought I’d forgive and I did it for me.

Aint no no way I’m entering a new year with a heavy heart, I’m trynna purge. Imagine if we all did that… less subliminals, less hate, less broken relationships. Don’t mind me I’m a little tipsy , and “We are the World” – Michael Jackson just got through playing so I’m in my feelings.

got me feeling like this blog post is going to change the world.

….I’m also out of wine, so it’s time to go.

6 more days until 2019 , most of y’all still are going to be on the same shit but for others let’s take some time and make peace after all … we deserve it don’t we?