Moms weekend out.

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I try to remind myself nights out as a mom are necessary, even if I have to force myself to go.

I came across the MFA Boston  (Museum of fine arts) “Late nites” about a month or so ago and I told my boyfriend I wanted to go. Friday night rolled around I had to call out of work to go but as you can see I was dressed and ready, luckily he was willing to stand in line for an hour and forty five mins… yes that long for us to get in. *perks of having a man who’s trying to get back in your good graces*

we stepped inside, it was insane ! I felt like I died and went to drag queen heaven. The DJ (who ironically, I went to high school with) held a special place in my heart the majority of the night as she played my favorite genre “trap” and some old-Skool  reggae.

Momma got her work on!

We danced, we viewed exhibits, we drank, we socialized and we drank some more.

I got so drunk and paid for it the entire weekend in more ways than one, my back has been aching since Saturday morning, along with being so hung over I had trouble seeing but the point is… we had fun!!!

perfect example of how necessary it is to not only step out of your comfort zone but to push yourself to go out and enjoy life especially when you’re a mother!

Now back to the regular scheduled program, a bihh got work tomorrow.

For more information on the next MFA “late nite” visit https://www.mfa.org/programs/series/mfa-late-nites

F*** it I’ll keep my own last name.

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I read this today, and I might receive a lot of backlash for it…

But i’m inclined to agree

Stating a black women choosing her independence over all else will continuously make her the enemy seems a bit harsh but I know where whoever wrote this was going with it.

In Essence, it gets deeper than this tho. To me what it boils down to is lack of communication and lack of leadership amongst men. I’m not sure who came up with this but I’m curious to know a little about them.

I’d love to ask this man (and I’m assuming it was a man who wrote it) What do you do for work? Would you consider yourself the breadwinner of your household? Are you married? Do you take initiative? Can your wife or girlfriend depend on you?

Those are some important questions

A man who is not a “leader” couldn’t possibly be convinced that a woman should choose “preserving a family unit” with lack of direction over her own independence when she isn’t being led correctly.

Hell no.

Funny thing is a lot of “men” nowadays want to lead and have the “let’s do it my way” attitude meanwhile they don’t even know their left from their right, and dare I say it, but a lot of men are stupid.

Actually no, that was offensive I’m going to rephrase a lot of men lack direction, so I’m most instances it’s pretty much impossible for them to expect a woman to abandon all that she KNOWS and risk it on a CHANCE , but in true men nature (meaning being foolish) a lot of times that makes sense.

Now on the flip side I’d like to play devils advocate, reading that statement I was inclined to agree prior to me really putting thought into it. One of the main reasons my child’s father and I disagreed pretty much for the past 5 years was because of my unwillingness to compromise, I was too headstrong… what I always said needed to go. The same independent quality I’ve praised myself over the years for I’ve began to hate at the same time. I’ve grown a thick skin, not by choice but because of what I’ve been through, what dating… what life has put me through and ironically enough I became chastised for it. “They harden you and then wonder why you’re not soft”.

A man wrote this statement assuming all women should make a choice because it seems like the right one to make but did the question arise  is it really the best choice?  Maybe if more black women went with the “I need to do what’s best for my family” rather than “I need to do what’s best for me” thought process … maybe just maybe we’d have more successful marriages and stronger black men who have been given the “provider” role and realized… now’s my chance.

“do or die”

such a sink or swim analogy… one that I’ve always asked myself is it worth the risk? And every time … the answer has been no. I can imagine for most women the answer is no and the saga continues . We are assumed to be so headstrong, so reluctant to give up this independence when really we are just scared.

Often Times failure becomes such a norm for us that we wonder why would this be any different … lack of communication, and to be frank total inconsideration.

Show me.

show me why I should abandon this “I gotta do what’s best for me and mine” attitude.

I feel as a whole black women have a lot of work to do, it was never embedded in us to be fragile, to be soft. You look at our mothers and their mothers and I bet you’ll hear a story about sacrifice and my favorite “doing what they had to do”.

Coming from that what makes you believe we’d ever see you as Prince Charming?

My daddy wasn’t and neither was my grandfather.

Nowadays we expect so much but work for so little, and it’s too bad.

So men, next time you wonder why she’s so reluctant to give up her “independence” realize she’s all she’s ever had.

 

Okay now can we get a more relatable version of “workin’ moms”?

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Who else has watched Workin’ Moms on Netflix?

Honestly, I loved it, well let me rephrase… I liked it a lot. Saying I loved it would mean I had nothing negative to say about it and I do.  For those who haven’t gotten a chance to see it, “Workin’ moms” is about four very different thirty-something year old working mothers and friends who try to balance their jobs, family life and love life in Toronto, Canada. This concept for such a relatable show was actually created by husband and wife.

PR exec Kate and her longtime friend, no-nonsense psychiatrist Anne, attend a judgmental mom’s group, where they meet timid IT tech Jenny and struggling but optimistic real estate agent Frankie. The four form an unlikely friendship, sharing struggles of “urban” motherhood filled with the chaos of toddlers, careers, and identity crises, all while trying to achieve one goal, a sense of self. The ensemble comedy is largely drawn from the personal experiences of star/co-creator Catherine Reitman (“Blackish,” “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”).

The timid IT Tech Jenny, also happens to be almost completely uninterested in being a mother, let alone a wife and cheats on her husband. Her husband is a struggling screenwriter/ stay at home dad.

Outspoken psychiatrist Anne finds out she’s pregnant in the beginning of the season with her 3rd baby (who she refers to as a virus) after just having given birth months ago and she is less than thrilled. She already has a pretty hard time connecting with her 9 year old daughter  as both of their attitudes tend to clash so there’s no question as to why she probably doesn’t want to welcome anymore children. —- she’s my favorite.

Real estate agent Frankie is a lesbian who suffers from post partun depression mixed with a little bit of “who the hell knows” she’s probably the only character who isn’t in touch with reality and one might question why anyone, wife or not would have agreed to having a baby with her.

Lastly, there’s  PR Exec Kate while the most seemingly put together out the bunch she battles between choosing her family over her work, work wins every time which ultimately leads her to accept a 3 month position in Montreal (a city over 6 hours away) without consulting with her husband ahead of time leaving him to deal with the responsibilities of their 1 year old son.

Relatable to the average workin’ mom? Hell No.  Number one, most working moms don’t have the option of deciding whether or not to return to work. Most working moms aren’t afforded the luxury of hiring a nanny, BUT MORE IMPORATNTLY most working moms don’t drive AUDI’s and Range Rovers. This tv show to me just screamed “privilege” sure it featured many common struggles of motherhood, the feeling of “losing yourself”, breastfeeding struggles, not to mention the huge adjustment of being a mom in general but these women have a vast amount of help. Not many working moms can opt to stay late at work then get home well past dinner and bed time and apologize to their husband for getting caught up and go on about their evenings … if that’s not privileged then I don’t know what is. Forget having time to cheat, I barely have time to stop for a tea ( I’m not big on coffee) in the mornings. Most working moms if we are stuck at work the cause and effects that take place after can be dare I say it, detrimental. — hell, my sons day care charges $35 every 15 mins you’re late picking your kids up past closing. Let’s not forget the fact financially, most working moms face unspeakable struggles, literally unspeakable, because although struggling we don’t have a chance to speak about it because we are so busy assuming the responsibilities of being a mom … we just don’t have time. These four women are able to avoid interactions with their children most of the time with acception of making sure they are around to attend their “mommy group” these women aren’t workin’ moms, these women are wealthy moms.

funny as shit, but still wealthy ass privileged moms nonetheless.

Sorry to say it, but Catherine Reitman and Phillip Sternberg y’all got it wrong with the title. 6 award nominations or not these broads are a group of semi- relatable moms … not actual “working Moms”.

Signed,

A real.. tired ass, occasionally broke WORKING MOM.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Imagine if there was a “Be a black woman for a day” giveaway —- would anyone sign up?

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I love being a black woman, I do. I say that, not because it was instilled in me that I have to unless I’d be a reverse racist and  I mean duh, nobody wants to be a reverse racist but because through it all —- I am still standing.

If I asked 100 white women, hell throw some  Asian women in there too, if I asked them would you want to be a black woman for a day?  How many do you think would say yes? I can imagine a few would just to see what it was like. Now, imagine if we asked them to switch for a week, majority would probably decline.

No lie being a black woman is HARD AS SHIT.

I think now that I’m approaching my late twenties, I realize it even more. Years ago, I wasn’t subjected to as many scenarios  that leave me just wondering how much easier it must be for women of other races.

For example, a couple weeks ago I went back to work after the weekend, and I went with a “weave”. Naturally my hair is short right now; but due  to my many hairstyles no one really ever knows what’s going under whatever style I have at the moment. All I can do is laugh thinking about it because it happens so often but the references that are made when it comes to black women and their hairstyles—- shocking. It’s shocking because I’ve heard it all from, “wow”, your hair grew overnight, to “is that a wig or one of those weaves” oh and this is my favorite , “how’s it attached”? On that particular day I got the “is that a weave or wig”?  Having acquired a lot of patience to answer such ignorant questions I respond with the truth, “it’s extensions”, and of course, in fake ass corporate America I got the I love it, it looks so good!

Over time, I’ve noticed when white women choose to attach hair to their head in an attempt to make it longer it’s referred to as “extensions” but as soon as the conversation occurs with a woman of color suddenly “ weave” is added into their vocabulary—- too much TV I assume.

For any women reading who are of a race other than African American, if you’re guilty of the following, please stop and be sure to let your friends know as well.

When we start work we always sign the handbook recognizing sexual harassment,  and hostile work environments etc, and we agree to not partake in any of it… but am I the only one that thinks there should be a special carve out when it comes to women of color?  I say all this as a black girl addicted to weave … *correction “extensions” but I can only imagine what natural women deal with.

—- such a shame, and imagine if we reacted how we wanted, or said what was really on our minds… well there goes that “angry black woman” label.  Such a lose lose.

 

Sometimes when I get questioned about my hair I want to really pour out my life story. I want to tell these bitches how I wake up at least 3 times a night because my headscarf falls off and it’s against black girl code to sleep without it. I want to tell them how I constantly have to pass up some tempting ass shower sex until wash day, or the night before my hair appointment because I can’t get my hair wet — fucking tragic I know. I want to tell them how I’ve decided between buying bundles or paying a bill just so I could look the part for the same people that ask me about the hair I damn near went broke for. I want to talk about how fellatio has often times been awkward due to the “please don’t touch my hair rule”, of course they wouldn’t understand because their Billy is at home blowing backs out as he grabs hold of his Caucasian wife’s luscious  locs. Forgive me if I sound hostile—- I am. As I said being a black woman is hard as shit.

That’s  only at work.

Socially, name another group of women in  more competition than that of black women, and if you do I’m calling bullshit because they don’t exist. Imagine being in a competition you don’t even want to be apart of. You go to the mall- competition, you go grocery shopping- competition, you’re out at a club … whew chilay the competition.  You’re judged constantly by other black women and let you be pretty with a few things going for yourself, forget about it —You’ve immediately been labeled “that bitch” and not in a good way.  Saddest part is no matter how much you don’t want to be involved, how much you stay low key, and just keep to yourself as a black woman if you possess certain qualities you’re automatically competition. —- Happy Black History Month.

Lastly the only other area left.

Relationships.

I’d say being a black woman who loves a black man is by far the hardest job of them all. Women in general love black men, there are tons of interracial relationships that are very successful and each and every time I will say those black men who date the white and Asian women aren’t e the same black men who date black women, and they never will be. Two broken people trying to love one another while usually hurting eachother in the process. The same man who has the same battles at work, the same battles socially now tries to love an equally angry woman. —- recipe for failure. I read a quote that said, “hurt people, hurt people and whole people heal people,”.  Point me in the direction of a “whole” minority….

yet another battle .

These 3 subjects don’t even skim the surface of how hard it is being a black woman.

Amazingly we are still standing, broken and bruised we still stand optimistic about the future in such a pessimistic ass world and with that being said it ain’t for the weak.

So to be fair, I can understand why many would decline of the offer to be a black woman for any amount of time…

they don’t call it “black girl magic” for nothing.

Black Woman Against Black Woman…Why Do We Do It?

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TheBlackPrincessDiaries's avatar

Ok, so tell me…what’s the difference between these two women below? Besides them, of course, both being their own person.

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I just see two successful women, yet the media likes to pin women again women. Even BET had made a very rude tweet stating that Cardi B’s Grammy win had Nicki Minaj dragged by her lacefront. Women are always pinned against each other…but I feel especially black women.

It’s not just these two artists either. I’ve also seen people pin Beyonce and Rihanna against each other over these Vogue cover photo’s pictured below. Do you know why? Ready for this….over their flower crowns. Crazy right?? Why can’t it just be two beautiful black women succeeding and rocking their crowns?

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And clearly, it’s not just with celebrities either. Black women are compared and put against each other all the time. For example, maybe saying a black woman who’s hourglass shaped, oiled…

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It’s tax season… *looks up the cost of a tiger*

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If I see one more “where are my taxes?” Post I am going to SCREAM!

What I’ve gathered so far is people seem to be pretty PRESSED for their taxes, and rightfully so, who doesn’t want extra money? I totally get it, I do.

What I don’t get is how the same people who have 2,3,4 even 5 dependents to claim are the most pressed, add in the fact a lot of people get assistance and it leaves me even more confused ? What the fuck are y’all doing with your money ?  I’m not directly asking that question, what you choose to do with your money is none of my business.

While we are speaking about money.

Over the past few months I’ve had conversations about generational poverty… we don’t usually hear about that topic because we always hear about generational wealth, or “old money.” Much like the rest of the world, I myself definitely don’t come from money but that doesn’t mean I want to be scraping until tax time either. You never hear about people with money talking about money, you just don’t. People without money on the other hand or the first ones to talk about it, the first ones to flash it, and the first ones to complain when the well runs dry.

In the midst of this damn government shut down everyone was so worried about tax time. What I’ve also come to realize is most claiming the EIC tax credit are not only still waiting for their returns but have come into the most problems with actually getting their money back.

You ask What is the Earned Income Tax Credit?
The Earned Income Tax Credit, EITC or EIC, is a benefit for working people with low to moderate income. To qualify, you must meet certain requirements and file a tax return, even if you do not owe any tax or are not required to file. EITC reduces the amount of tax you owe and may give you a refund.
Qualifications for the Earned income tax credit:
  • Have earned income; and
  • Have been a U.S. citizen or resident alien for the entire tax year; and
  • Have a valid Social Security number (not an ITIN) for yourself, your spouse (if filing jointly), and any qualifying children on your return; and
  • Not have investment income exceeding $3,500; and
  • Not be filing a Form 2555 or 2555-EZ; and
  • File a return with the Single, Married Filing Jointly, Head of Household, or Qualifying Widower filing status, even if you’re not required to file a return.

In addition, both your earned income and Adjusted Gross Income (AGI) may not exceed:

  • $15,270 if you’re not claiming a qualifying child ($20,950 if filing jointly);
  • $40,320 if you’re claiming 1 qualifying child ($46,010 if filing jointly);
  • $45,802 if you’re claiming 2 qualifying children ($51,492 if filing jointly);
  • $49,194 if you’re claiming 3+ qualifying children ($54,884 if filing jointly).
With just a little research everyone knows your business because “Shantal” has 2 kids, and everyday since January 28th she’s been online talking about how long her taxes have been taking and how much she needs her money.
Assumptions from the asses, including myself —- damn Shantal doesn’t make more than $45,802, she’s not even making any money .
As the saying goes, “the flashiest one in the room is usually the most broke”
I have had friends with 4 kids get $16,000 back during tax time and by the middle of the year be complaining about how broke they are, meanwhile everyone has a new wardrobe, an expensive one at that and mom even collected a few more MCM bags, and for what ?
—-so the cycle continues.
Whats frustrating to me is the same dependents your claiming will grow up assuming tax time is the “big payout” when this thought process should be so far removed from all of our minds. Receiving taxes should be extra for everyone, it should never be what we depend on.
Seeing so so many people count their eggs before they hatched has taught me what I already knew, and that is to always make sure I’m  good no matter what .
We have to do better guys, because just as fast as the government takes it they will be slow to give it back. Dependency has kept a lot of people trapped and the smarter we are especially as it pertains to spending habits the better of we will be and the better off our children will be in the future.
A few years ago  I was happy to not owe taxes, my mindset has been different from a lot of people and add in the fact last year was my first year even claiming a dependent, I can absolutely see why people with kids are happy around tax time. I only had one child and still owed last year but I was happy to be getting a check regardless, so I can only imagine the mindset of those with a few kids to claim.
Remind yourself its a trap.
Instead,

Here are some really smart things you can do with your tax refund that can really put that money to work in the long run.
  • 1) Get Out of Debt. …
  • 2) Replenish Your Emergency Fund. …
  • 3) Further Your Education. …
  • 4) Boost Your Retirement Savings. …
  • 5) Invest in Wonderful Companies. …
  • Invest In Yourself

 

Over the past 3 years I’ve committed myself to haveing something, I turned 25 and decided I don’t want to be fucking broke forever. Period
I am no where close to where I’d like to be financially but being conscious is the first step.
Most of us claim to be so “ woke” but walking around so damn broke—- such a shame.
so take this post with a grain of salt also take it as me celebrating National Wine drinking Day (also known as my birthday) and going on a mini tipsy rant.
either way Jesus still loves you all with or without your tax money so that’s all that matters.
Goodnight

Confessions of traveling with a toddler

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5 days 4 nights on an island about 4 hrs away via plane ride, an island so secluded but yet busy enough to make it feel semi city like. The waters were as clear as can be, the sand just slipped through your toes as you walked through it to grab a beer from the bar at the beach. Turks and Caicos was in essence almost heaven like, I was in my own euphoria…. that is in between the moments when my 18 month old toddler was not driving me up the wall.

Day 1: we boarded our flight from Boston, Gigi (that’s what Carter calls my mom) made the trip too. Our flight was at about 8am, we made it through TSA with tons of bags in tow. We brought our car seat , 2 carry on items and a stroller. Traveling with someone who can’t hold their own things… —- whew chilay. Nonetheless it’s a well needed vacation for this busy momma so I was still excited to see how things will pan out. After a surprisingly calm flight we finally land, Carter was beyond wound up after being confined for about 4 hours so he was just as anxious to get off the plan and step into paradise.

 

We get off the plane to sweltering heat, got our rental car and we were off! We decided Air BnB would be best fitting for our little traveling family, only problem was we couldn’t find it and my sister who booked it was an route from Washington D.C so we killed time grocery shopping until she landed.

Repeat after me grocery prices in Turks and Caicos will have you stripping just to eat, I repeat grocery prices in Turks and Caicos will have you stripping just to eat. $300 and about 3 bags later we walked out the store feeling robbed.

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Ridiculous —- I know. We finally make it to the Air BnB I was pretty sure was a scam at a point after having such a hard time finding it… THANK GOD because at that point Carter projectile vomited just a few minutes earlier and I honestly wasn’t sure if I was going to cry or laugh.

We were in paradise and it’s like everything that could start to go wrong was, talk about a rocky start.

We got settled in… my nanny (my mom) took over after cooking for us and my sister and I were ready to see what the TCI nightlife was all about.

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It was lit, after 2 bars (one of which being referred to as the $5 bar infamous for their very strong $5 drinks) and  many drinks later we returned back to the Air BnB  with a drunk optimism about the rest of our vacation.

Day 2:   We are awoken to a screaming Carter at about 6am … I’m not sure why I thought mommy life on vacation would be any different from mommy life at home, Thank god for Tylenol. It was time to get up while in the process of recovering we planned for day 2 In TCI. It was time to see what the beach had to offer , but first we had to take some lit pictures for the gram of course.

 

Carter even accompanied us to the pool until nap time. Another mental note made, “he’s the same baby he was yesterday in Massachusetts”  we waited a few hours until carter was up we were all packed and off to the beach, the great thing about the island was everything was very close. The furthest it took to reach any destination was about 15 minutes which was a plus… the only negative was it took Carter about 10 minutes to get Car sick.

Damn it.

Yes … throw up again all over the car seat, the rental and the seat I just spent so much time scrubbing last night . Thank God we were at a beach we could just rinse everything in the water. The devil was trying to take me out. We get there, it’s beautiful… literally beautiful. We went to Sapodilla Beach which was a small beach frequented by locals but it was perfect enough for us.

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I almost forgot about having to go back to the smell of puke. Hours passed it was time to go so we packed in, just hoping to make the 15 minute drive home and not even a mile down the road I hit a pot hole and blew not one… but two tires.

I laughed writing that. But wasn’t shit funny at the time.  So here we are 3 Americans and a baby on the side of the road with flat tires calling the rental place for some help. —- haha.

After the many stares help finally arrived in the same baby sized car we rented so we had to move all our things out to get a ride to a new rental car and all I could do was pray they didn’t charge me any incidental fees for the tire or the second round of throw up I didn’t get a chance to clean yet.

Back on the road and ready we made it. My sister and I even went out that night with a lot less enthusiasm, I’m pretty sure she was mad at me a good portion of the night but hey shit happens. The only plus was it was ladies night at “5 dollar bar” so every slow song you’ve ever sang as if you wrote it was being played… add hookah and liquor to that I think it was the most fun I had the entire trip.

Day 3:  carter wakes up screaming.. it’s 6 am. At this point it seems the rest of the house if acknowledging him to be the alarm clock  that I’ve known him to be the past 18 months. —- welcome to my world. We decided it was yes another good day to explore a beach, definitely not Sapodilla Bay since clearly that beach brings bad luck.

Yes, I’m blaming the beach and not my driving.

We headed to Long Bay Beach, this beach was located in Grace Bay a very popular area especially amongst tourists. My nanny (my mother) decided to sit this adventure out. So it was just me, my sister and Carter. We made it to the beach Throw up free! Win #1. We were able to park and walk down to the beach. This beach was VERY DIFFERENT FROM THE LAST. The waves were strong the sand was heavier , just walking to the sitting area had us winded. My sister spilled my champagne along the way which left me very depressed but we had some “Bambarra” a well known Turks and Caicos Rum so all was well.

 

This beach got old quick, there was no bar , no water activities, no flood of people so we headed back to the house. It was our second to last night on the island so we planned a nice dinner. (Well I planned a nice dinner and prayed Carter cooperated) we got dressed and headed to Infinity Bar, located in Grace Bay, and Carter stayed sleep for the ride, the transport from the car to his stroller and all throughout dinner—- it was like God telling me I am here. — I even had a glass of champagne to celebrate such a joyous , peaceful occasion. It was great.

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Surprisingly we stayed in that night.

 

Day 4: our last full day on the island. Our human alarm clock got us up and ready for the day, we spent a good portion by the pool which by the way was secluded the ENTIRE time we were there, we then got ready and headed to Grace Bay to do some shopping. All I could think was, “if the prices are anything like those grocery stores I won’t be getting a damn thing.” They weren’t bad tho.

In true mom fashion all I could think about was getting carter’s daycare teachers a souvenir—- who have I become?

Perfect way to wind down the chaos of Turks and Caicos

Day5: awaken by my alarm clock this time at 5 am, unlike the rest of the mornings I couldn’t get him to calm down, my baby was teething and yes I forgot the Orajel home so I had to take him for a walk. It just so happened the sun was rising and Carter thought it was play time so he ran down a parking lot having me chase him right up until a river opening. —- it was gorgeous. It was just what I needed after the past 4 days, it was peace, it was reassurance and it was with my favorite person in the world. It felt like such a sign, greater things are in store. We returned to begin packing. Finally, homeward bound and need I say it, I was full of mixed emotions . Sad to say goodbye but happy to be leaving, anxious about the stressful ass travel woes that lie ahead. We headed to the airport about 2 hours ahead of our flight just to be safe , attempting to work around carter’s nap schedule and doing so unsuccessfully, I lay packed up along with the many other travels I’m a foreign hot airport with a cranky baby. I was exhausted.

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After flying to New York and missing our connecting flight to land in Boston. I really laughed.

nothing ever goes as planned.

 

I went from 80 degree weather to return home to 32 degrees and I couldn’t have been happier.

 

This vacation has taught me many things, no matter the preparation, you are never prepared, you never know what’s in store and you can make whatever you want look good but that doesn’t mean it is.

I thought I was prepared , Speaking in the sense of materialistic things—- I was, mentally HELL NO. nothing could have prepared me for car sickness, or screaming on a 3 hour flight … the list goes on. I was so in a rush for months to get away , leave where I was at and go on vacation and look what I went to a new set of problems. On the plus side the problems were in paradise and not the snow so they didn’t seem as bad, but there were still problems. this trip to TCI has taught me to appreciate just where I was because you never know what lies ahead. If you look any of my social media’s I didn’t talk about any of this, all you see is “perfect pictures” and comments about how envious people were that I was away,   See how easily people can be fooled.

I needed Twerks and Caicos not only for the family time, but for the sun, the laughs, the realizations… hell the revelations.

I don’t know if we will be taking any family trips any time soon, but I can’t wait for the next.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Turks & Caicos — 3 ladies and a baby edition

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In 2015 my mother, my sister and I established the tradition that we should take a “girls trip” every year, then I had Carter in 2017 and now we have a new tradition… A girls trip, with the boy.

A little later I plan to talk about my experiences traveling with my 18 month old, amongst many other things such as attempting to balance mom life, and a social life but for now enjoy some pictures of the beautiful Turks and Caicos, or as my sister and I have called it “Twerk & Caicos”.

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“Never have I ever”— Valentines Day Edition

On By The Wine Drinking Mom1 Comment

It’s “Wine Wednesday” and I’m semi tipsy. I was just looking at Valentine’s  Day cards on Etsy (yes, I’m that corny) and I was wondering why I’m so happy about Cheesy ass Valentine’s Day this year, I don’t  have plans and my Valentine doesn’t even know he’s my Valentine.— I digress.

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I really like this Gallo Family Chardonnay, it’s a medium bodied wine but there is still hints of sweet and citrus and it’s alcohol content is 13% . Talk about Yesssssss.

Good matches: Chardonnay is perfect with light and delicate food such as raw and lightly cooked shellfish like crab and prawns, steamed or grilled fish, fish pâtés, fish, chicken or vegetable terrines and pasta or risotto with spring vegetables. They also go well with creamy vegetable soups.

It was a whopping $5 at my local grocery store. So, men I wouldn’t encourage you to bring this over to “Netflix and chill” because it’s cheap… buy a better brand.

—- my cheap ass likes it tho.

I had to actually look up Valentine’s Day tonight, I really thought to myself like I don’t even know the origin of this so-called “holiday”.

According to history.com, it was said that, at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred. One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret.

I was like shit, Talk about romantic right?

So in honor of my guy Valentine and the upcoming day I want to play a game tonight, “Never have I ever” —- Valentine’s Day edition. It’s pretty much everyday that the craziest things happen to me and I always wonder if not the same but similar crazy things happen to other people as often as they do me. I’m going to throw out some scenarios , 5 to be exact, 3 of them are true and 2 are false that may or may not have happened to me on past Valentine’s Days.

Here goes…

Never have I ever …

1. Went on 2 dates to the same restaurant with 2 different guys on Valentine’s Day and ended up with the same waiter

2. Never have I ever been “Came to as a woman” while I was pregnant on Valentine’s Day.

3. Never have I ever been stuck tied to a bed until the next morning February 15th.

4 . Never have I ever been stood up then texted the next day and to go to lunch to receive a new bag and cash.

5. Never have I ever got “flewed out” for Valentine’s Day.

The fact 3 of those scenarios are even true , really REALLY has me wondering why I still consider Valentine’s Day to be one of my favorite holidays. I’ve had some almost perfect Valentine’s Days but most have been nothing short of crazy. I can laugh about it now, but at the time it wasn’t so funny . We have so many fantasized romances, with the perfect guy/ or girl, the perfect date that most of us will never get because perfect doesn’t exist. I’m pretty sure guys don’t give a shit about Valentine’s Day whether in a relationship or single so ladies — WE can all keep wondering and waiting. Maybe we are hoping one of Saint Valentine’s long lost relatives is somewhere out in Dorchester ready to play matchmaker, either way I Hope everyone’s Valentine’s Day Is that and then some.

The explanation and stories for each will follow … eventually . Comment your guess below or on social media *Ig @thewinedrinkingmom.

I cant waaaiitttt to hear some of you guys’ to remind myself crazy shit doesn’t  only happen to me …right?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We call it “self care” —they call it selfish

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We are 27 days into the New Year and I’ve seen so many “_____ days of self care” posts on Instagram, that I encouraged myself to participate—I haven’t even made it to Day 1 yet. (Hehe)

I can honestly say, a major concern of mine regarding this 21 day challenge is how many people will  it piss off in the process, crazy right ?

I guess the phrase “self care” has been subjective to me, when I hear self care , I hear taking care of me. Unfortunately often times taking care of me can be seen as selfish.

Psychology Today published an article that provided :

ten ways to exercise self care and take better care of you.

1- Self care means knowing who you are and your limits. Self care means recognizing when you are doing more than you are used to handling and trying to figure out what can be done to slow down.

2- Self care means getting the sleep you need and knowing how to rest.  Are you getting enough sleep for you? Do you know how much sleep you require everyday and are you sleeping at least that much? Making a serious effort to make that happen as well as knowing how to rest your body and your mind are essential.

3- Self care means making sure that you’re well fed. Do you eat well—does what you eat provide the energy you need to function? Do you take time to eat meals at work and do you take time to have snacks when your body requires intermittent food during the work day?  Self care means integrating favorite healthy foods into your everyday eating routines and planning ahead to make sure you have adequate nutritional foods throughout your day.

4 –Self care means finding a way to decompress throughout your day, not just when you leave work. What is it you do to rest your mind during and after a work day? What helps you tune out the noise? Most people tell me they don’t have the luxury of taking breaks during their work day but trying to integrate mini breaks throughout the day helps refresh your mind and body.  For example,  try stretching or taking a brief walk even if it’s only a few feet away, getting yourself a drink of water,  talking to a friend, getting in touch with a loved one even if it’s just a text, or purposely looking at photos that have special meaning. The brain needs those pauses

5- Self care means giving some thought to changing a difficult work situation. We know best what we need and what we can deal with.  Is there anything that can be done to make your work somewhat less stressful? Think about whether changes can be made to your work environment. Are you okay with where you sit and do your work?  Are you working unsustainable hours and is their some end in sight? It might be a matter of approaching a supervisor with things that you think may make your work more pleasant such as changing where you sit or changing whether you take an earlier lunch or later start time.

Sometimes supervisors are not even aware of the reality of what the worker experiences in a work day. A frank conversation delineating the things that are most stressful might precipitate the process of improving your working conditions. People see the world through their own lenses and supervisors have their own problems and a sometimes a simple conversation can provide the insight they needed to rethink how things are done.

6- Self care means taking time to get to know you better.  Self care means learningto recognize your own temperament and trying to prepare for your personal limits. For example, do you have the trait of  “high sensitivity? (Aron 1996) and if so,  learning to recognize when you are experiencing sensory overload. “Highly Sensitives,”  “hsp’s, ” are particularly bothered and effected by over-stimulation and things like being hungry or tired or wearing uncomfortable shoes precipitate marked discomfort.  Identifying your temperament and your triggers and planning accordingly might help lessen inevitable stress.  That might be as simple as grabbing some almonds before a meeting that usually cuts into your lunch hour so you’re not ridiculously hungry or rethinking fabulous but uncomfortable shoes.

7- Self care means identifying  what you enjoy doing and what’s fun for you and make a serious effort to integrate it into your day or, at the very least, your week.  Make it a habit to plan something to look forward to everyday and that doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be as simple as planning to read a good book at night or planning to have dinner with someone whose company you enjoy.

8- Self care means knowing how to debrief from a day’s work.  That might mean walking home from work to clear your head,  driving in silence or listening to music to help transition from work to home.

9- Self care means feeding your spiritualself. That might take the form of meditating, praying,  communing with nature by a walk in a park, observing a sunset or sunrise, attending a religious service, practicing gratitude, reading or listening to something inspirational.

10- And finally, self care means taking time to love yourself and appreciating that there’s only one you and you’re the expert on that.

 

I read those and said, “Wow, bitch you’re overdue”. I have too. many issues in my life that could be potentially solved or even made to be less stressful if I practiced a little “self care”, then I think about some of the things on that list and wonder how I could do that when people might not understand. I’ve mentioned it before and I’ll say it again, some of the closest people to us don’t want to see us doing well. It’s easier for people to predict you, and imagine life with you, when they know the same person they’ve  already knew.

Often times self care leads to growth, for me as I grow, I change. I refer to “growth” as entering the next chapter of your life. I also associate growing with possibly upsetting others, I blame the Gemini in me, most times first thing out my mouth is BYE, then other times I overthink and never follow through.

I don’t know how you guys translate self -care but I read #6 and it said taking time should mean  getting to know YOU

I read that and immediately think ostracizing myself. In order to get to know myself better, I have to spend time with me … that doesn’t mean always hanging with the crowd, or constantly being around friends or family it means being ALONE, but how many of my friends and family would understand that?

Once I made it through all of the practices to #10 “But most of all self care means taking time to love yourself” I really knew I was at a bridge . Imagine if we did things to others just to prove to ourselves we love us more, a lot of yes’ would be No’s. We’d lose interest in people and situations because in reality we KNOW they don’t serve us , but because we are good people we try to still salvage the bad.

I did a “21 day Self care challenge before and I noticed the comments , or the reactions for simply reading a “self care book” or starting a diet or gym regimen. Apparently, Even your biggest fans don’t root for you sometimes.

Then I thought , “but if I made it about other people wouldn’t it defeat the purpose”? —- and if its about other people ? How can I possibly figure me out?

As I got older I began becoming frustrated with beginning things and never following through, never accomplishing things . The self care challenge would most likely be a battle, a battle to chose me, or them.

A battle I’ll probably never figure out.

“Kanye shrug”

So for those who have committed themselves to a “____ self care challenge” Let me know how they turn out —- and wish me better luck next time

until then the quest to find balance continues.